Wrong Place, Wrong Time
by Innortal
Summary: An Omake File presentation. You ever have a day go downhill because you helped someone? Ranma has, and it's today.
1. Chapter 1

**Wrong Place, Wrong Time**

**Chapter 1**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

* * *

**Author Note:** This was originally an Omake File, but feedback I received demanded it be a separate short story.

* * *

It was the evening of your everyday average pigtailed chaos magnet.

Woke up thanks to a bucket-full of water—ice chilled—thrown by one uncute tomboy fiancée.

Then Ranma—now cold and female—was tossed out of the window by her stupid father.

Enter the scene to one quick panda beat down—Ranma wasn't in the mood at the moment for a long spar. She was cold, wet, hungry, and pissed because she had been having a great dream where she—then he—had just defeated SSJ4 Gojita for the title of Universe's Strongest Fighter.

A quick breakfast was then served, and enjoyed since the usual theft by the panda was stopped since said panda was still floating face-up in the koi pond.

This was followed by the usual day at Furinkan which included being drained by the teacher, fighting Akane's lunch she lovingly prepared for him, being glomped, malleted, attacked, malleted again for picking on "poor Ryoga", followed by gym where more boys needed to be taught that Ranma-chan does not give a free show on demand or trick, followed by a mallet home for helping boys be perverts in the shower.

Then we had dinner, where Akane tried to cook again, and after using several vacuum blades to kill it, since Ranma's chi attacks were merely cooking it more and unleashing a foul odor that peeled the rice paper from the doors, Akane malleted Ranma into LEO once again for "refusing her perfectly fine meal."

This is how Ranma found himself in Minato Ward, Juuban District. Normally, he would hurry back, but with Akane cooking, he would rather sleep in the trees at the local parks, since there was no school tomorrow.

So, after fetching a quick meal at a local arcade thanks in part to some money swiped from his Father and Mr. Tendo from their celebrations fund, he decided to head towards a park and find a nice tree to sleep in.

Of course, the nature of the universe would not allow his presence to interrupt the normal flow of things in this district, so it was no great surprise when he came across several girls in sailor fukus and one guy in a tuxedo fighting several members of the Forces of Darkness.

Ranma knew the Forces of Darkness well. They had had a branch office in Nerima, but went out of business due to failures of their clients—Gos, Happosai, Kuno so that he could defeat them and impress his loves, and any other local idiot—to pay, as well as the failure of their members to return from their missions.

After all, losing employees is bad for business.

Now normally, Ranma stayed out of fights outside of Nerima. He was smart enough to know that if he didn't; these people would come looking for him in Nerima either to join up or for payback for defeating them.

He was still having trouble with those damn helicopters chasing him after helping Nuku Nuku out once.

So, he leaned back against the wall, staying in the shadows, as the magical girls posed, made speeches, blasted, got blasted, and repeated their routine, as the street soon became a rocky road.

Observing, Ranma noted how the energies flowed around them as the preformed their attacks, some of them reminding Ranma of how the power of Saffron's keys acted. He had been trying to develop his own elemental chi attacks, in case he ever had to deal with something else like the Phoenix God. A few attacks that could use an opponents strength against him was always nice to have. Despite all thought, he still had been unable to come up with an attack like he had seen on that Inuyasha anime. If he could get that Backlash to work, he could hit Ryoga with his own damn chi attacks.

As he was watching, he looked up as the weird blond with the hair globes was literally thrown into the wall above him, making a nice little dent.

Deciding to be a kind citizen, Ranma leapt up, removed her from the wall, and brought he back down to the street, the girl completely unconscious to the world.

Worrying about whether or not the girl now had brain damage—as he suspected that was why she kept doing all those speeches instead of just fighting, Ranma carefully cradled the girl.

Of course, it was because of this he didn't notice his anti-Nabiki senses tingling, letting him know that he was being photographed.

* * *

Sighing, Ranma looked at the Tendo Dojo once again. He had been forced to help the girls with more of his forbidden techniques, since his chi attacks rarely worked on the Forces of Darkness.

Of course, he stayed to the shadows. The last thing he needed was magic girls out to marry him, and they all were weird enough to warrant being that afraid.

Just to be safe, Ranma decided it was best to head out of Minato and back to Nerima, and managed to avoid the damn helicopter on another mission to destroy the pigtailed android.

So, seeing that Akane was still up and looking for him, Ranma headed into the store room above the dojo to sleep.

After all, this day was over, so why should he expect it to get any worse?

* * *

Nodoka was watching the late night news, not quite feelings up to sleeping tonight. It would be a few more days before she'd be able to take off from her job and go visit her son again. If she could just get them to move back here, but those thoughts were usually derailed by the idea of him sneaking into each of the Tendo girls' rooms and being manly like she knew he was.

Well, she would have to work tomorrow on making a schedule perhaps, so they could come here, and hopefully not destroy the house again. After all, surely they were all okay with sharing her manly son, her husband had said so.

She just wondered when the hell her promised grandchildren would arrive.

As a news story came on about another Senshi battle, she was surprised to see some footage of her son helping, trying to be a dashing hero by not revealing himself.

But what really got her was the way he was cradling Sailor Moon. Sure, it looked like he was trying to ensure that she was safe. After all, the woman had just been drilled into a stone wall, so she might very well have had neck, spinal, or head trauma.

But a mother could see beyond the trappings of such a look, and could tell immediately that she was obviously one of the many girls her son was manly with.

She had been worried about her son and his ability to be manly at the Tendo's as of late. After all, they did engage him to their youngest; who had no skills in cooking, cleaning, sowing, fighting, walking, talking, anger-control, and did tend to slap her son on his ass and feel him up, both in girl form.

Not that Nodoka discounted such things, as it just proved her son was very manly, even as a woman.

So, when the news crew posted a number about information on Sailor Moon's savior, she immediately called. Surely her manly son would want credit for his work to save his mistresses.

* * *

As Nabiki looked blearily at the television, waiting for Kasumi to produce her magic elixir known as coffee, she was slightly stunted into reality by seeing a morning news show introducing Auntie on the air.

_Well, this ought to be amusing._

* * *

Across the ward, several other girls—mostly fiancées or those wishing to be—were also tuning into the news, and seeing Ranma's mother on the air. They each shared a thought, believing that the woman would introduce them as the true fiancée to Ranma, while a few guys were hoping she said Ranma-chan was available and that they were her fiancé.

* * *

Ranma slept in the storage space, next to a Christmas tree, wondering when his Pops shaved, and for what reason.

* * *

As it was early in the morning, the Senshi were also gathered around the televisions at their homes. After an incident in which a reporter had shown their battle and then proceeded to mangle their abilities, they started watching the morning news for information about their adventures. After all, it was always best to know which press members you should save from youma, and which you should wait to save until after they had been drained.

So, it was with curious surprise when they saw a mystery boy helping them, saving their asses on several occasions, and prying Sailor Moon from her Fourth Floor couch in the stone wall.

"**And with us now via remote is Nodoka Saotome, the mother of that mystery man who helped the Senshi defeat the newest attack on our fair district."**

It should be known that after the former anchor for this show had been drained several times by youma while being rescued by the Senshi, the anchors all tried to portray the Senshi in the best possible light.

Of course, many of the Senshi were wondering why this woman would risk both her own life and that of her family; just to publicize the fact it was her son that did those deeds.

Well, all but one was; Luna was having to occasionally sink her claws into Usagi to keep the future Queen of the Earth from drowning in her own bowl of cereal.

"**So, Ms. Saotome, why do you let your son fight these dangerous creatures?"**

Nodoka merely smiled, patting her empty side, from where the studio had been very adamant that she was not allowed her honor blade on the set. **"Well, my son has been trained as one of the best martial artists of his generation. And as you saw, my manly son didn't have any trouble dispatching those creatures."**

"**Yes, and what do you say to one caller we had, who claimed you son was a 'foul sorcerer who called those demons to further betwixt his fierce tigress, his beloved pigtailed girl, and the lovely Sailor Uranus from his side?"**

"**You mean you believe such drivel?"**

"**No, but the guy's a Kuno, so we're required by law to let them occasionally speak."**

"**Oh, that Tatewaki boy is hardly manly. Even I know by the way he waves that bokken around that he is compensating for not being very manly.**

"**Anyway, my son is nothing but a hero."**

While Haruka was puking into the trash can nearby, as she had originally been turned off men by a bokken wielding idiot named Tatewaki Kuno, who refused to accept the fact that at the age of eight, she refused to play House and Doctor with him, they resumed watching the news.

Of course, by this time, Ranma's nose had detected the aroma of Kasumi's breakfast, and had magically teleported the now wide awake boy to the dining room table, drool covering the floor.

It was also when he caught sight of the television, which was being stared at by the rest of the occupants of the dojo, with Nodoka on screen.

It was then that Ranma knew true fear. Saffron was a pansy compared to the horrors his own mother could unleash upon him. By now, there would be countless fiancées and fiancés heading to Tokyo to find him.

His only hope was that his mother didn't make it worse.

Sadly, Kami-sama would not be able to answer that prayer, as he was still chasing a girl named Mihoshi out of his office, as well as getting rid of a pig with a leopard bandana that seemed to be constantly circling his new potted plant.

"**And now we come to the part where we captured your son helping Sailor Moon."**

Ranma just paled as he watched the television interview. His mother was talking to reporters about a scene where he had rescued Sailor Moon, and was holding her bridal style.

**"Oh yes, I always knew my manly son was just perfect for her, and the babies will be so beautiful!"**

**"So,"** said the reporter, **"they are expecting children?"**

Ranma began to bang his head on the dinner table. If the NWC or fiancées didn't get him, then the Senshi would.

"**Of course. You and I both know that none of those girls are dating Tuxedo Kamen. I mean, my best friend who does my hair; Raiden, admits the guy has to be gay."**

* * *

"WHAT?" screamed Mamoru from his own breakfast table.

Motoki wiped the cereal from his face, trying to ignore the spit-take his roommate had just preformed. "What's the problem, Mamoru? Everyone knows that Kamen was gay."

"How could you say that?" gasped Mamoru.

"Well," said Motoki, "he always does those corny speeches, hardly fights, always throws things, never actively participates, fights in a tux, has yet to be declared dating those girls. I mean come on, he should have dated at least two of them by now.

"But no, no one sees him, and he doesn't act straight. I mean, all those girls in short skirts, and he never once has been seen looking at them. He has to be gay!"

Mamoru started to cry, before running to his room, and slamming the door shut.

Motoki just sighed. "Dude acts like his hero just died or something."

* * *

Ikuko smiled as Kenji wiped his face clean from the cereal their daughter had spit out hearing the news. "Well, I guess we should be glad Sailor Moon found a supportive man like this Ranma guy to marry."

"WHAT?" cried out Usagi. "But she's supposed to marry Tuxedo Kamen."

"Please," said Shingo as he scooped more of the pancakes his mother had made into his mouth before Usagi regained her appetite. "Everyone at school knows the guy is gay. What self-respecting male superhero acts like he does?"

"Not that there's anything wrong with being gay," said Kenji, grabbing another section of the paper since his daughter's projectile shot of corn flakes had destroyed the comics. "I'm sure he's a nice man, but no one seriously believes that he and Sailor Moon are an item.

"Like your mother said, Usagi, we're just happy that she found herself a nice man that actively supports her choice of career."

"Besides," said Ikuko, little hearts filling her eyes, "She's right; the children would look so adorable!"

* * *

In the home of the Outers, Haruka was now collapsed on the floor, holding her aching sides from having laughed so hard at what had just occurred, wondering how upset Setsuna would be when she woke up in an hour.

That would teach the Time Senshi not to attend the fights.

* * *

Ranma simply stared at the television, though the program had by now moved to the weather was of no concern, as his mind was locking up on trying to calculate just how screwed he was now.

Of course, things were still carrying on despite his mental absence.

Soun was once again whining about how the schools would never be joined.

Genma was berating Ranma for knocking up some floozy instead of his lovely fiancée. He would have turned to Soun to convince them they needed to have the wedding now, but Akane had sent him into the Outer Wall of the Dojo for his comment that Ranma should have knocked her up.

This act bought Ranma a few more seconds to reboot to reality.

Nabiki was cursing herself for being out of the loop on this one. Luckily, she had not yet decided to drop the Magic Girl coverage on the Dojo, so they'd be fine once the Senshi arrived to either drag Ranma to Sailor Moon, or execute him on the spot.

She didn't really believe Ranma had done that with Sailor Moon, let alone anyone else. She'd seen him drunk and he didn't try and get fresh with anyone, and quite frankly, thanks to the poor education from his father, she doubted he even knew **what** to do to have a baby.

Kasumi was just smiling, asking Ranma if Sailor Moon could get her an autograph, or would perhaps be coming over for some tea.

Finally, the Ranma OS devoted enough system resources to his body, and the pigtailed boy numbly walked towards the roof, deciding maybe the view would be better up there to see the shit that was about to bury him.

* * *

After Setsuna had woken up, and the Outers had stopped her from transforming and blasting every single person who had seen or heard of that report from the face of the planet—she was understandably a bit troubled by finding the newest kink in her plans for Crystal Tokyo—they immediately held an emergency meeting.

An emergency meeting is like a regular meeting, except Makoto buys the snacks and serves them as fresh baked instead of actually making them.

Usagi was already crying as she explained what had occurred at her house. "Not only were my folks happy that Sailor Moon was not dating Kamen, who they think is gay for some reason, but they wondered if he had a brother, since they prefer a guy like him who can protect me instead of a playboy like Mamoru."

Mamoru blinked at that news. As Kamen, people thought he was gay. As Mamoru, they thought he chased after anything female.

It made no sense to him.

"You know," said Minako, once again unknowingly putting explosives on the fire, "that could explain why Usa has pink hair. You know, red and yellow make pink."

Ami sighed. "Genetics don't work that way, Mina-chan. That could only happen if pink hair existed in their families."

"Even Magic Girl genetics?"

Ami blinked. She had no idea how Magic Girl genetics worked. "I don't know."

Everyone gasped at that. Ami Mizuno: child genius and mental prodigy towards a better world, the Senshi who knew everything ... didn't know about Magic Girl genetics, or if such a stream of data existed.

"**And now we have word on the street about the newest gossip about Sailor Moon. Ma'am, do you believe this story as been reported?"**

"**Yes, and to tell the truth, I've always thought Kamen was a little gay."**

The group turned to Haruka, who was now laughing nervously. "Well, you guys were inside the store buying snacks, and well ... they asked me ... um, I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

The others nodded, as Usagi launched into a new line of sobs, as not only was her reputation ruined and even her own teammates thought her boyfriend was gay, but Makoto's treats weren't homemade.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Rei decided to stop this hysteria before it went on anymore. At this rate, her favorite anime might get postponed just because Dumpling Head was too stupid to solve her own problems.

Remember folks, she's supposed to rule the world one day. But if we elected George W. Bush twice, then I can see it happening.

"You know," said Rei, "all we need to do is have Sailor Moon deny that she's even seeing the guy. Then we have her deny that she's even slept with him, let alone anyone else."

"What about me?" asked Mamoru.

Rei just snorted. "We can worry about proving you're straight later. If we try that now, they'll just say she's lying."

Mamoru now began crying as Usagi brightened up. Why did everyone believe Tuxedo Kamen preferred men? Sure, two of his four Generals had been into each other, but still...

"And what of Ranma-kun?" asked Hotaru, a little sad that Usa wasn't going to be born soon. She missed her friend.

"We hack him to little pieces," growled out Setsuna, once again free from her straight jacket. "We rip him to pieces, and then burn those pieces with every bit of magic we can muster. We do everything and anything we can think of to ensure he pays for defiling the future with his seed."

"Usagi's not sleeping with him, Setsuna," said Michiru, trying to talk some sanity back into the woman.

"Please," said Haruka, once again about to demonstrate that even a female can insert a foot deeply into their own mouth, "I'm a confirmed lesbian and even I thought he was kind of cute. What would a straight girl do?"

"WAH!" cried out Makoto. "Usagi's taking every hot guy for herself!"

Minako paled. "Stop taking all the fishcakes, Usagi-chan!"

"That's beefcakes, Minako," said Ami, deciding to open up the Mercury Computer and search for anything on Magic Girl genetics.

"No," said Minako. "She's really taking all the fishcakes. Give me!" screamed Minako, launching for the final fishcake before Usagi hoovered it.

"Okay, so we have a plan," said Usagi, standing in triumph as she swallowed the last of the snacks. "Now, let's go save the reputation of Sailor Moon!"

"What about me?" asked Mamoru, but he quickly went back to crying as everyone ignored him.

"Now," said Usagi, ignoring the chill going down her back, "let's go get some ice cream!"

She had already moved onto more important things, and thus left, allowing Luna and Artemis to breath once they were free from the cushions she had placed on them to stop them from yelling at her.

* * *

As the assembled fiancées and rivals gathered in the dojo, Nabiki was currently trying to cajole Ranma off the roof to inform his suitors, rivals, and interested news parties that had paid Nabiki a very handsome fee for the interview, to talk to people. "Come on, Ranma-kun; we have Kasumi's chocolate stuffed cookies."

"No, I ain't leavin' this spot. If I do, trouble's a comin'."

Nabiki sighed. He was already back to using slang again, which meant he was really scared. "Don't tell me you're scared of it?"

"HELL YES I AM!" screamed Ranma.

_Man, it must be bad if he's admitting fear._ "Fine, then can you hand down that cat we put up—oh, hello Ranma," she said, having surprisingly caught said boy as his fear of cats outweighed his fear of pain.

Soon, he was positioned on a small platform in the yard, several of Nabiki's associates holding newborn kittens to keep him from fleeing.

Now, it was time for the questions, accusations, and bad ideas to hit.

"Airen best not be really doing silly girl in too too short skirt," growled out Shampoo.

"Yeah, Ranchan should only be knocking up his cute fiancée," Ukyo said, before blushing in embarrassment. Really, they'd never had a fight quite like this one.

"Quite right," said Genma, already back to functioning on his four remaining brain cells not killed off when Stupidity, Sloth, and Greed ransacked the Brain Village. "We should have a wedding, so he can do that with Akane."

"Quite right, Saotome," said Dumber. "Let's go get the priest!"

"FATHERS NO BAKA!" screamed Akane, as she belted them to UEO, since she was so enraged at the thought of doing that with Ranma.

Though depending on whom you asked, some believed it had more to do with the fact that they expected her to give birth, when Ranma could just as easily. After all, she always remembered her Mother talking about some eighty-six hours of labor for Nabiki.

And she was the quick one out.

Of course, as he was really a pervert, she knew he'd be expecting that. After all, that's what perverts did.

"At last, the foul sorcerer has been exposed, even stealing the innocence of Sailor Moon!" postured the man that most agreed with Nodoka's statement about the reason he waved that bokken around. "Now, join me my fellow warriors of purity so that we might smite him!"

Soon, he joined the fathers in UEO, next to Sputnik, which Kuno immediately broke believing it was a device of magic used by Saotome.

Sadly, a peace conference call was being routed through it to provide secrecy, and thus two wars would be raging by tomorrow thanks to Kuno.

"Oh, hohohohoho!" chuckled Kodachi, "Ranma-sama, please tell these peasants that it is only my field that you wish to seed."

A moment of silence was heard as everyone around died just a little that day, before... "WHAT?"

Ranma blinked as he forced his breakfast back down into his stomach. "No, I just wanted to say I ain't done anything with—"

"HOLD IT!"

Ranma paled. Yes, Death had finally arrived for him. After all the fiancées, fiancés, dragons, and Phoenix Gods, he would die on national TV.

And those teachers at Furinkan said he'd never be famous outside of martial arts. Well, he showed them.

On the Dojo roof—much to the amusement of all the male perverts looking up—were the Sailor Senshi.

"I, Sailor Moon, would just like to say—"

"Stuff it you hussy!" cried out Akane. "How dare you steal Ranma away from me?"

"Excuse me?" asked Sailor Moon.

What she didn't know, nor any of them since Pluto was deigned too unstable to be allowed near the Time Gates, but what everyone else knew because of the information packets they received from Nabiki as part of their fee for the interview, was not only how many romantic entanglements Ranma had, but how violent and possessive they could be.

With a massive showing of strength, hoping to show who the dominant female in the area was, Akane summoned her mighty Mallet of Pervert-Bashing, and slammed it into the dojo wall, knocking the Sailor Suited Defenders to their knees.

Except for Sailor Moon, who literally bounced off the roof, down it, off the gutter, and right on top of one pale martial artist, face to face, lips on lips.

Ranma finally saw what most people said to expect in moments like this: his entire life flashed before his eyes, giving him one final revelation.

_God, I hate my old man._

* * *

"Listen up world!" cried Tuxedo Kamen from his perch on a local tavern roof. "I, Tuxedo Kamen, am happily engaged to a lovely woman, who I plan to marry and spend the rest of my life with!"

His idea was pretty sound. How many people actually shouted their love from the rooftops? It had been the best plan he could come up with, given the small amount of time he had and the large amount of liquor currently sitting in his stomach.

It might have gone better too, had he not done it from the top of a gay bar.

* * *

"**This is the Channel 8 Evening News, with ongoing coverage of what has been termed the Great Magic Girl Chase. **

"**Currently, you can see Mr. Ranma Saotome going strong, holding what we suspect is a possibly pregnant Sailor Moon, as they are being chased by several dozen people. We have identified several as fiancées arranged by his father to "pay for his retirement", one who claims to be a wife by her tribe's marriage laws, the suitors of those girls, claiming they will both kill him for stealing their girlfriends, and for betraying those girlfriends, one pervert who just admitted he only wants Sailor Moon's panties, as well as the most of the Senshi with the exception of Sailor Mercury who did not show, Tuxedo Kamen, whom we have heard just tried to declare he was straight while standing on a gay bar, and Sailor Uranus, who is currently laughing uncontrollably at the Tendo Dojo. Currently, the only strange one is Sailor Pluto, who seems to be chasing them with ... a chainsaw and flame thrower? Now there seems to be some sort of attack, and it looks like a pipe was busted...**

"**Okay, the man has just turned into a buxom redhead."**

"**Kei,"** said a reporter from the field, **"Ms. Tendo informed us he has a magical curse that turns him female when he is hit with cold water."**

"**Oh, I see. Well, Sailor Moon is still holding onto him ... her ... them like before. Perhaps we have another Senshi who has tasted the forbidden fruit?"**

Sadly, this was all wasted on Ami and the two moon cats, as they finished their research. "So, there is no difference in genetics between girls and magic girls.

"Hey, where'd everyone go?"

* * *

Nodoka was giggling at the television. Not only had her son proved his love by saving her once again and sealing the deal with a kiss, but was even now protecting his pregnant mistress who seemed to enjoy his girl side as much as his male side.

"WAH! My magical girl grandbabies will be so CUTE!"

* * *

**Omake of Omake by DhampyrX2:**

"You know," said Rei, "all we need to do is have Sailor Moon deny that she's even seeing the guy. Then we have her deny that she's even slept with him, let alone anyone else."

"What about me?" asked Mamoru.

Rei just snorted. "We can worry about proving you're straight later. If we try that now, they'll just say she's lying."

Mamoru now began crying as Usagi brightened up. Why did everyone believe Tuxedo Kamen preferred men? Sure, two of his four Generals had been into each other, but still...

"And what of Ranma-kun?" asked Hotaru, a little sad that Usa wasn't going to be born soon. She missed her friend.

"We inform the media that he belongs to me and me alone, and that I am not inclined to share," Setsuna remarked archly with a glare toward her future queen.

"Usagi's not sleeping with him, Setsuna," said Michiru, trying to talk some sanity back into the woman.

"Please," said Haruka, once again about to demonstrate that even a female can insert a foot deeply into their own mouth, "I'm a confirmed lesbian and even I thought he was kind of cute. What would a straight girl do?"

"MINE!" Setsuna growled as she tried to lunge for Haruka's throat. Of course she knew what would happen if Haruka thought she had a chance to share with a woman like Ranma-chan in the house. She did not intend to sacrifice that kind of quality time from Ranma after going thousands of years without nookie.

"WAH!" cried out Makoto. "Pluto's taking the hot guy for herself!"

Minako paled. "Stop taking all the fishcakes, Usagi-chan!"

"That's beefcakes, Minako," said Ami, deciding to open up the Mercury Computer and search for anything on Magic Girl genetics. "And Setsuna is trying to take him."

"No, I mean Usagi is eating the last of the food. I'm still hungry here!" Minako declared as she lunged for any scraps left only to come up empty.

"Okay, so we have a plan," said Usagi, standing in triumph after her meal. "Now, let's go save the reputation of Sailor Moon!"

"What about me?" asked Mamoru, but he quickly went back to crying as everyone ignored him.

"Now," said Usagi, ignoring the chill going down her back, "let's go get some ice cream!"

* * *

**Omake of Omake by Tai Khan:**

"Now," said Usagi, ignoring the chill going down her back, "let's go get some ice cream! ... And pickles!"

Everyone in the room, save Usagi who was contemplating the possibility of pickle-flavored ice cream, froze in place.

"Uhm... Usagi?" Rei began slowly, staring at her princess. "Is there something you might want to tell us?"

* * *

**Omake of Omake by CatOnFire:**

"WAH!" cried out Makoto. "Usagi's taking the hot guys for herself!"

Minako paled. "Stop taking all the cute fruitcakes, Usagi-chan!"

"That's beefcakes, Minako," said Ami, deciding to open up the Mercury Computer and search for anything on Magic Girl genetics.

Minako just points to the TV where it is showing Ranma in the Neko-ken pawing at a ball of yarn, then points at Mamoru who is rocking back and forth in a corner while crying that he isn't gay.

"Er, right..." says Ami with a massive sweatdrop.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wrong Place, Wrong Time**

**Chapter 2**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

* * *

**Author Note:** This was originally an Omake File, but feedback I received demanded it be a separate short story.

* * *

Few things truly explained how Ranma had felt this day.

Happiness? No, Kasumi's breakfast and lunch had been ruined by the incessant questions and later by Nabiki's preparations for the up-in-coming press conference.

Hell? To Ranma, that word didn't seem strong enough. Having a green haired magic girl chase you proclaiming that cutting off your manhood was necessary for the future of mankind was not a good thing in Ranma's opinion. Nor were all the fiancées chasing after him because he had apparently been cheating on them with Sailor Moon.

The fact that said Sailor Senshi's best help for the situation was constantly muttering "it wasn't supposed to be like this" in a constant rhythm like a chant, didn't exactly instill within her confidence that things were going to get better soon.

A seriously fucked up life? Yes, the sounded closer.

Whose fault was this?

Genma? Ryoga? George W. Bush?

Hell, he decided if Ryoga and the others could get away with it, so would he.

Ranma Saotome then and there decided this was all their faults.

So, what could he do? The city was now abuzz with the rumors that he was with his new girlfriend who was currently carrying his child. Ranma would bet good money that somewhere along his/her life; the old man had engaged him/her to whoever this girl was. They had only the money she had hidden on her—she wasn't about to check Sailor Moon for funds while she was currently experiencing a mental break from reality—and what she had swiped from the two fathers before he had gone up on the roof of the Dojo to prepare his Last Will and Testament.

So, having enough, and disguising herself in some girl clothes that managed to never fool Ryoga but did everyone else, she rented a room in a hotel pretending to be a crying girl whose parents had ditched her because of ties of honor.

Not like Ranma-chan could tell them the truth.

"This is all your fault."

Ranma blinked. The girl had a vocabulary? "How so?"

Sailor Moon huffed. "You should have told them the truth."

Ranma sighed as she got some hot water and changed back to male. "I was, but someone decided to interrupt my press conference and then slip her tongue down my throat."

"Hey, that was because of that Dark General with the big hammer," said Sailor Moon.

"That was my uncute fiancée," said Ranma.

"So you're engaged to a Dark General?" Sailor Moon sighed. The other Inners would be upset that once again, evil claimed the cute single boys. Oh, why were all the cute guys married, gay, or members of an evil cult out to rule the world?

"No, I'm a martial artist currently trying to stay alive after a urban legend decided to make my life hell by stuffing her tongue down my throat to keep me from denying we're together."

"Hey!" shouted Sailor Moon, before Ranma slapped his hand over her mouth.

"You want us found?" he gasped, looking around to make certain no weirdoes were about to bust through the walls to kill/marry/drug/abduct/charge him.

"Eep!" she managed to say, before ducking into a corner. Those girls had been scarier than Rei.

Sighing, Ranma called up room service, getting the "Royal Su" special, for ¥5000.

Though he did wonder why it came with so many bananas.

After doing that he turned on the TV to see if the chase was over.

Afterwards, he picked a different corner than Sailor Moon to cower.

* * *

"**Currently, no one knows where the two love birds are, but we have had artists render what the child may look like when it gets older."**

Minako blinked. "Hey, it's Chibi-Usa!"

Rei sighed, putting her hand to her head, feeling the migraine return. "Oh, fuck this shit."

Setsuna was currently bound, gagged, drugged, and wrapped in steel pipes that would hopefully keep her from going out to nuke Tokyo.

"**Also, we have news of a Gay Pride march that went through downtown Tokyo just hours ago. But get this; all of them were wearing Tuxedo Mask costumes."**

The scene changed to show a woman with short cut blond hair. **"We're just doing this to show our support for the first openly gay superhero."**

"Damn it, Haruka," mumbled Michiru.

"But they needed my support," said Haruka.

"Now what do we do?" asked Makoto, wondering what she could do now. She had made all that food, and without Usagi here, it would all go to waste.

"I say we trust in Magic Girl Genetics and let things go their course. After all, nothing bad's happened," proclaimed Minako.

"**In other news today, a Mamoru Chiba was arrested for protesting the Gay Rights Parade, claiming Tuxedo Mask was straight. He was placed within psychiatric care of Tokyo Imperial Hospital until deemed sane for trial."**

"Besides," said Minako, "if something bad comes up, I'm sure Usagi will stop worrying about her pregnancy and help us out."

Hotaru paled. "But what if it costs her Chibi-Usa?"

"Who?" asked Minako.

"Cut it off," mumbled Setsuna.

"There's no such thing as Magic Girl genetics," said Ami.

"Then how do we pass our powers to our children?" asked a smug Minako.

Sighing, Ami once again delved into the Mercury Computer. "Hey, where are the moon cats?"

* * *

A silver haired man looked into the mirror above the sink in the men's restroom at Club Shock. Luna had made him take human form, and then dragged him to this techno dance club, claiming she needed to get drunk after what Usagi had done, while constantly crying "WAH! Now the Kingdoms will never be joined!"

"Rough night?"

Blinking, Artemis looked over, seeing a dog demon in human form standing beside him, looking just as tired. "Um ... yeah, Mister..."

"Inuyasha," said the dog demon.

"I'm Artemis."

Inuyasha nodded. "What she'd drag you here for?"

"Claims the future is ruined and we should abandon all hope. You?"

"Claims she is old after a fox demon we knew 500 years ago introduced her to her adopted great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren."

"Damn," muttered Artemis.

"Yeah," said a tired Inuyasha.

Artemis looked at the side of the dog demon, noticing his sword. "Think you could use that thing to kill the both of us?"

"I would, but she said if I tried that again, she'd have me neutered."

"Artemis! Get your bony hairless ass out here! The DJ's playing 'Baby's Got Back'!"

Tears falling, moaning as if his world was ending, Artemis slowly made his way out of the bathroom.

Inuyasha simply shook his head. "Poor bastard, I know how he feels."

Unfortunately, that was loud enough to be heard by a girl waiting outside the door. "SIT BOY!"

As the rosary beads slammed him into the restroom floor, Inuyasha decided that he was really starting to miss Naraku. Sure, he was an evil sadistic bastard.

But he was kinder than Kagome.

* * *

Ranma sighed a she finished his second "Royal Su" special. He only wanted one, but when Sailor Moon wanted to eat as well—which upset him because she never even bothered to offer to help pay, like she expected free food—he had to defeat her, and was enjoying the sensation as she stopped at the eighth banana split with steak toppings.

_Weakling._

"So," he finally asked, "any more bright ideas? Maybe you'd like to jump me on the national news during a session of the Diet?"

"Stuff it," whined Sailor Moon, patting her distended stomach, and finally knowing what it meant to be full. She had heard rumored, but had never experienced the sensation itself. _This full is kind of neat. I wonder if I could convince mom to make that much food?_

"Oh, that helps us out," mumbled Ranma. "Maybe you'd like to suggest baby names while you're at it, considering it's your fault we're in this mess."

"WHAT?"

"Well, I wasn't the one stuffing their tongue down the other's mouth," Ranma said.

"Right," countered Sailor Moon. "I bet you're some evil entity thinking this is a way to help you conquer the world and steal our star seeds or something. For all I know, you're some perverted sex demon, with all those girls we had chasing us."

Ranma was about to retort, when his mind registered her comment. Sex demons weren't monogamous. Was his mother a sex demon? _It would explain why she acted the way she did? She must have seduced Pops..._

_Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, bad thoughts!_

Shaking his head, Ranma turned back to face her. "Yeah right. I could do way better than a flat-chested, bony, whiny, little wannabe super hero."

"WHAT?" screamed Sailor Moon, stalking right up to him and staring right into his face, noses mere inches apart.

She wanted to retort, she really did.

But as anyone who has stayed in a hotel could tell you, a wandering cleaning lady had walked by their room, saw the "Do Not Disturb" sign, and decided that these people obviously needed a batch of fresh towels.

So, when our cleaning lady opened the door, she barely had time to begin to say "housekeeping", when she saw them.

It was the hot guy from the television that everyone was looking for.

It was the magic girl that everyone was looking for, with a noticeable bulge in her stomach.

So, she did what any kind and respectable housekeeper would do.

She took out her camera, took several digital pictures, and asked them if they needed anything.

* * *

"Oh, how could I have raised such a worthless boy?" whined Genma.

Sighing, Kasumi swatted Nabiki's hand as she reached for that damned list of exactly what they had so far discovered Genma had done to deserve Ranma turning on him.

Currently, they were on Volume 4.

Shampoo just growled. "Shampoo no let magic nice girl steal Airen. Shampoo much better at snuu snuu than small chested girl."

Ukyo nodded. "Yeah, Akane's built better than her." Not seeing the growing smile on said girl's face at the fact she was better built than a famous super heroine, Ukyo continued. "I'm beginning to think Ranchan has a thing for small chested women."

And like that, Akane had gone from happy to murderous rage in a new speed record; 0.00034 seconds.

Shampoo blinked. "That explain much, and why Airen pick Kitchen Destroyer and not Mercenary Girl or Too Too Nice Girl."

"HEY!"

Smirking, Nabiki enjoyed the chaos generated by that comment, wondering herself how much of it was true, while Kasumi blushed.

No one had ever turned down Kasumi because she was packing bazookas. Who knew Ranma preferred grapes to watermelons?

"See," said Genma, "further proof that him and Akane belong together! After all, Soun was blessed with a daughter with almost nothing on top."

And thus, Genma was introduced to the very land under his feet ... by about two feet of air and floor supports, and the helping hand of one Mega-Mallet X.

Of course, Akane was slightly happy, and more from Ranma's choice in women than the fact that she had just evolved her Mallet-sama to Mallet-sama Mark II by sending Genma partially to Hell via the Earth's crust.

It was because while she didn't admit to wanting the pervert, the fact Ranma-chan looked for mannish girls meant she preferred the Tendo girl.

Of course, this still meant Akane had to rescue her Ranma-chan—a skill only a martial artist of her caliber could pull off—from the vile temptress known as Sailor Moon.

That bitch would not be allowed to steal Akane's beloved Ranma-chan from her. Akane would see that Love and Justice won today.

"So," asked Ukyo, throwing the shells of a few shucked peanuts on top of Genma's comatosed form, "we need to find Ranchan and get some answers."

Agreeing, the girls prepared to try and track Ranma down.

Of course, it being a school day tomorrow, they decided it would be better to pay Nabiki to track them down. After all, they never could figure out how she managed to keep track of Ranma.

Truth be known, Ranma wasn't the cleanest of people. If he was, he would have discovered the transmitter hidden inside his pigtail. But thanks to the Dragon Whisker episode, he still had trouble learning to wash his hair.

* * *

Kasumi sat in her room, thinking.

She was used to being the most desired Tendo in a traditional role dominated society. She had cooking skills that were supremely above par in all of Japan, had caused many men besides Tofu Ono to have fits by her mere presence, and to be honest, she knew she had a body that was second to none—even Ranma-chan couldn't compare.

But what hurt most of all, was that Ranma ... didn't find her attractive.

And something was born that day inside the oldest daughter of Kimiko Tendo; something that had long remained dormant for the safety of all mankind.

Kasumi began to get angry.

This was a force unmatched by anything within nature, and only surpassed by a pissed-off Belldandy when searching for forces outside the mortal sphere.

Now, while she wasn't too upset that she was not engaged to Ranma, as he was too young for her and his attitude was grating on the nerves with continuous exposure, he should still have had desire for her.

It was what Kasumi prided herself on. How many girls could wear a housedress like her and cause a seven car pileup on the express way just by smiling and waving hi?

But he preferred minis to a full sized SUV.

It was then and there that Kasumi decided: Ranma would learn that compacts had nothing on a full sized sedan.

Looking in her closet, she decided she would have to "borrow" something of Nabiki's. Her clothes just didn't scream "free meat" to her intended target.

* * *

Ranma sighed once again from his campsite in a park several wards away from either Minato or Nerima. He had been half tempted to ask Nuku Nuku for a place to stay for the night.

But she had that delivery-off with Shampoo tomorrow, and she would need her rest.

So, he found a nice park in one of the rare areas of Tokyo that didn't experience much chaos, and pitched camp.

For those wondering, when you lived Ranma's life, you needed to learn Hidden Weapons quickly, so that you could store the camping gear for those "nightly visits" into LEO by your uncute fiancée.

Besides, he needed to save up his money for when Nabiki decided he owed for something. And it did keep him from being sued by those motels for when the fiancées would show up and demolish it looking through every room to find him.

That, and those other couples did not enjoy having their sessions interrupted by angry women looking for Ranma.

He half suspected it was why Ms. Hinako had doubled his school workload, but he decided it was safer not to ask too many questions along that line.

It would have been better, had one sailor suited warrior of haunting his life had left him the hell alone.

"WAH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" screamed the future queen of the Earth.

It is at this point even the author is wondering if freezing to death was so bad a fate when considering who would be ruling if he survived.

Sighing, Ranma looked from his campfire to the crying girl. "Keep that up. I'm sure no reporters are looking for us here."

"Really?" she asked excitedly.

Standing up from his face fault, Ranma was once again asking himself why he even bothered to help people anymore. "No, that was sarcasm."

"Meanie," said the blonde, as she stuck her tongue out at him.

Rubbing his temples, Ranma decided to turn in. "Well, hope you have a way home, I'm taking the tent. Try not to get yourself interviewed."

Sailor Moon blinked. They had left the hotel after the housekeeper had run off, claiming about getting a reward, to where they were now, riding on top of several different subway cars to get there.

Of course, in that time, she never once considered just dropping her transformation and heading home.

So of course, she now was out past curfew, the trains had stopped running, and she had no shelter.

So, she switched into her bag of tricks. "Um, could I—"

"No."

She blinked. "Huh?"

"Every time I stay with you, some nut shows up and ruins the hiding spot. Go find a hotel or call a cab to get you home. But you ain't staying here."

So, she fell back on Girl Trick #7: if all else fails, remember these words: cry, threaten to expose, and continue loudly crying.

"WAH! HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME SLEEP OUTSIDE AT NIGHT OR GO OFF BY MYSELF INTO THE DANGEROUS STREETS?"

"Aren't you a super powered girl?"

Girl Trick #21: if you are exposed to common sense by the target, use emotional blackmail.

"How could you leave me like that?"

"Cause we ain't an item and you've caused me nothing but pain, misery, and suffering."

Girl Trick #42: if all else fails, assault his pride for failure to do what you asked.

"How can you call yourself a man when you let me be by myself on this cold and lonely night?"

Ranma sighed as she grabbed her canteen and splashed herself. "There, all better. Now I'm just a heartless bitch. Night."

It was several minutes of blinking that accompanied Ranma-chan's statement before Sailor Moon sighed. How was she to know he was so damned strong-willed? Even Mamoru would have bought her a mansion after the second trick.

"Hey, I can just call Pluto and have her come get me."

Taking out her communicator, she smiled. "Ha, and Mars thought I didn't have a brain in me."

* * *

Mamoru sighed as he slept in his cot inside the prison. So far, none of the Senshi had arrived to bail him out, so he was forced to spend the night in lock-up.

He had called Motoki to bail him out, and contact the other girls in hopes of raising the necessary funds.

Unfortunately for him, Motoki had assumed Mamoru had interfered with the Gay Rights March not because he believed Kamen was straight—Motoki didn't see how anyone could believe that—but because Mamoru was homophobic.

So, Mamoru's best friend decided to let him stew in prison for a bit to learn "not to hate others for their life choices".

Unfortunately, Mamoru was scheduled to be transferred to a better equipped facility tomorrow, instead of the holding pen at the local police station, and many of those in prison had came to the same decision as Motoki.

Poor Mamoru.

* * *

In the early morning, a pack of Nerimaites were following a girl with a laptop computer. The leader of said group with the computer was a tired Nabiki, who had been forced to follow the signal all night.

The others that were following were various fiancées who wanted answers, rivals who wanted proof/revenge, and parents who had wanted answers/wedding/grandbabies.

The one thing out of place was Kasumi. She had followed on the pretense Ranma was injured. But considering she was currently only wearing a halter top, short-shorts, and chewing on a sucker, they had their doubts.

They would have been there sooner, but they had to answer questions for several fatalities caused by the massive wave of damage that seemed to follow, ninety-eight percent of which was caused by people catching a glimpse of Kasumi.

But, those eighteen men, three women, and one squirrel had died happy.

So, they now approached a lone tent.

"Airen in there, yes?" asked Shampoo.

Nabiki nodded. "Yep, unless he dumped the tracker."

She literally felt the backlash of wind as the girls raced forward.

Sadly for Ranma's bank account, the girls thought that opening the tent via the zipper would take too much time, so they decided to simply rip it apart.

Gasps were heard as the discovered what was inside.

On the floor of what had once been a very well designed tent, lay a sleeping bag. Inside it were one pigtailed girl, and one dumpling headed girl currently chewing on said pigtail.

The girls were not amused.

Akane was pissed. How dare another girl steal her Ranma-chan's purity! With her rage at an all-time high, her Mallet-sama Mark II evolved once again to become "The Widow-maker".

Hefting the steel mallet with several large and pointy spiked above her head, Akane called out her anger to the foolish girl who dared take what was rightfully Akane's. "Sailor Moon, because of you, I've seen hell! Prepare to die!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Wrong Place, Wrong Time**

**Chapter 3**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

* * *

**Author Note:** This was originally an Omake File, but feedback I received demanded it be a separate short story.

* * *

Omake for Previous Chapter by Kraude:

In the early morning, a pack of Nerimaites were following a girl with a laptop computer. The leader of said group with the computer was a tired Nabiki, who had been forced to follow the signal all night.

The others who were following were various fiancées who wanted answers, rivals who wanted proof/revenge, and parents who had wanted answers/wedding/grandbabies.

So, they now approached a lone tent.

"Airen in there, yes?" asked Shampoo.

Nabiki nodded. "Yep, unless he dumped the tracker."

She literally felt the backlash of wind as the girls raced forward.

Sadly for Ranma's bank account, the girls thought that opening the tent via the zipper would take too much time, so they decided to simply rip it apart.

Gasps were heard as they discovered what was inside.

On the floor of what had once been a very well designed tent, lay a sleeping bag. Inside it was a lone dumpling headed girl with a huge belly, currently chewing on a red pigtail ...

* * *

_**Now back to our usual Innortal Psychosis...**_

* * *

_Earlier last night..._

Usagi was getting worried.

She had tried to call Setsuna for a quick teleport home via communicator, but the woman was not responding.

Usagi had no idea that said woman was currently tranquilized with enough sedatives to knock out several Senshi, and biting off the tassels off the cozies on Michiru's table doilies, dreaming about making a certain pigtailed boy into a eunuch.

Wondering where the dependable one was, Usagi tried to get the other Senshi, but...

"**Sorry, but this channel is currently being used by the Mercury Computer. Please contact your network administrator to effect repairs if you believe you have received this message in error."**

Usagi blinked, not understanding a single word the voice had said. "Okay," she said.

She had to decide what to do. She had no idea if the Senshi communicators could be used to call her folks and ask for a ride—it could, but Usagi was asleep after claiming victory over Mako-chan's cookies, and successfully reading three of Rei's mangas when that had been explained, and she also had no idea where a phone might be for her to call a ride.

"Maybe I can just walk home?" she wondered.

Sadly, this was not to be.

You see, Chaos had not yet forgiven Sailor Moon for stopping Galaxia. He had rather enjoyed his home there.

But Earth and more importantly Jusenkyo, offered him more chances to add his style to people's lives.

Now, he had been building up a huge storm over Tokyo to change one gender-cursed martial artist, as he had been male for far too long in Chaos's opinion.

The fact he had changed moments ago disheartened the being.

But it did offer a chance to further add both chaos to Ranma's young life and screw Sailor Moon over some more.

So, he caused the storm to make thunder and lightning.

Within no-time, the Senshi was quickly inside Ranma's tent, within her sleeping bad, and cuddling said martial artist; deciding the very uncute guy/heartless bitch girl was better to deal with than thunder.

Ah, a good day's work, if it said so itself.

* * *

This reason was the explanation for why Sailor Moon was currently in the sleeping bag with Ranma, clutching her like a koala bear, and chewing on said girl's pigtail.

The fiancées were not amused.

One particular repressed fiancée decided to make her unhappiness known to the one who created it.

"Sailor Moon, because of you, I've seen hell! Prepare to die!"

Now normally, Ranma was excellently conditioned to take every bit of punishment sent his/her way by Akane.

No one is quite sure why this is. Some think it was because she was the first person to offer him friendship in almost ten years, while many believe now she was just trying to get into Ranma-chan's pants.

Some believe that Ranma saw some spark inside Akane of a pure and good soul. Of course, many discounted that because it was the excuse used by the masochistic Hentai Horde.

Those who knew high level martial arts in Nerima truly believed that Akane's hits were too weak to ever hurt Ranma, so he took them just to shut her the hell up.

Of course, this was only the case when said anger and rage was directed at him.

This rage was directed solely at a Senshi of Love and Justice currently using Ranma's red pigtail for a pacifier.

So, in following with Ranma Dogma—Tomboyous 3:14: Thou shalt not let an uncute tomboy striketh an innocent; do so and Kasumi shalt not deliver upon thee food of the divine—Ranma rolled herself, the sleeping bag, and the unwanted baggage to the side of the strike.

While this avoided Akane's attempt to send Sailor Moon to the next life, it jostled the sleeping Senshi from her dreams of furry doughnuts to one between her and Tuxedo Kamen: Rated NC-17.

Of course, her actions altered Ranma's dreams a bit—no one would let him gloat over Gojita—into one of Kuno chasing her.

"Damn it, Kuno," she muttered, "stop grabbin' them. They ain't yours to play with."

"WHAT?"

Guess who screamed that.

* * *

"Why won't you just leave me alone?" whined Ranma, fresh from changing back to male, and massaging the bruises on his pecs. _You'd think with her being a girl, she'd know not to squeeze them so much._

Sailor Moon blushed. It had not been the best moment in her life when she realized exactly why those cinnamon buns wouldn't come off the shelf. "But you told me not to leave your side!" she cried.

"That was when the others were trying to kill you," said Ranma, still wondering not only why Kasumi had been dressed like that, but also why she had been attacking Sailor Moon as well, muttering about how compacts were nowhere near as good as full-sized sedans.

"Oh."

Ranma sighed as he stuffed his new tent inside his personal subspace pocket. It had really ticked him that the old one had been ripped apart by the fiancées, as it had been with him for a long time.

Hey, a three month period is a long time in Nerima.

And warranties didn't exactly cover psychotic females as a reason for acceptable tent destruction.

_Man; and I was hoping to save up for those nice platinum bracers._

"Now what?" she asked.

"Well, you could just get the hell away from me and go to your own damn home!" yelled Ranma. He was beginning to wonder if all magical girls had this lost puppy syndrome. _Saved her once and she won't leave me alone!_

Sailor Moon was about to yell at him when her stomach made itself known, thus reinitializing Usagi's Top Ten list of things of Immediate Concern.

Number one was finding food.

_Mom made food._

_Then you should go to her._

_Yes, fooooooooooooooood._

Sailor Moon never did question that voice in her head.

As she darted off via rooftop, Ranma sighed as he began to make his way back to Nerima. He figured by the time he arrived, Nuku Nuku would be finished with her Delivery-off with Shampoo—ignoring the fact that Shampoo had been among his tent-home-invaders—that maybe she and Dr. Natsume would put up with him for the day.

After all, he did love to play in fighting as much as Nuku Nuku did. And the Professor was always happy that Nuku Nuku had friends who had more property damage attributed to them than her.

"Damn it, why does this sort of shit keep happening to me?"

Really, he kept asking that like he expected an answer.

* * *

"Shampoo think pervert girl too too trigger-happy."

Akane could forgive a lot in her pursuit of Ranma-chan.

Shampoo—despite being the star of a few of those very wet dreams—was not one of them.

Cologne's staff to the head prevented another wrecked subway car being attributed to the Nerima Wrecking Crew—Japanese Self Defense Force designation. And to be honest, the 300-year-old Amazon was tired of being pulled in during business hours for questioning, interviews, and attempts to design new weapons to defeat Godzilla.

Damn New Yorkers scared him back there after they had finally gotten rid of the giant destroyer of poor neighborhoods and empty buildings.

"Really child," said Cologne, "did you believe that Ranma would simply let you kill the girl?"

"Like I care what the pervert wants," grumbled Akane.

Kasumi just sat in the car, fuming. Occasionally, a pervert would try to fondle her, only to be beaten off with a wooden spoon that was hardened with ki to be nearly as deadly as a bat. She had spent hours formulating a plan to bring Ranma back to the big-busted side of the Force, only to have the actions of the fiancées damage what progress she had made.

As such, she was beginning to make plans to correct this oversight.

_I will have to kill them all, I realize that now._

No one ever claimed it was a sane choice, let alone that all those years as a domestic servant hadn't damaged Kasumi's mind.

"Sugar," asked Ukyo, "can you track Ranchan again?"

Nabiki sighed. "I would, if someone hadn't put a huge ass mallet through my computer!" she screamed at Akane.

"It wasn't me!"

"See anyone else around here that uses mallets?"

Mario stayed quiet. Damn Donkey Kong was still haunting him all these years later.

Needless to say, Akane was about to receive a bill of the Dell Computer kind.

* * *

"WHO IS HE?" yelled Kenji Tsukino as Usagi staggered into her home.

"Huh?"

Usagi, not being the brightest bulb in the chandelier, or the recycle bin for broken light bulbs, had neglected many things about her late return; such as how to explain it.

"WHO IS THE LOUT WHO KNOCKED UP MY DAUGHTER?"

He was soon sent to slumber land by his loving wife and a rolling pin.

"Dear," said Ikuko, her smile strained and her eyebrows twitching, "we need to talk."

* * *

"Friend Ranma!" cried the Android Cat Girl as she glomped onto Ranma in a completely friendly and non-psychotic fiancée manner.

"Hey, Nuku," said Ranma, hugging her back.

For those not familiar with such a scene, Ranma could return affection to those who gave it when it would not result in imminent pain and suffering for him.

Basically, just his mother, Nuku Nuku, and the occasional Girl Scout selling cookies.

He loved cookies, especially Thin Mints.

"Friend Ranma," she said, letting go of the hug that would have killed lesser men—her Father never did mention to her that he had had to bury Superman in the backyard—"why did you not tell me that you were expecting kittens?"

"HUH?" he gasped. Not at the cat reference-he expected them from Nuku Nuku—but the fact he was expecting kittens ... er, babies.

Nuku Nuku decided that her friend had obviously missed the news report, and took him inside to show him.

* * *

"So, Usagi," said Ikuko, her husband still out cold on the floor, her son at school, and her finger holding the fortieth cigarette she'd smoked since her daughter had missed curfew, "where were you?"

"Um ..." said Usagi. Now, she was at least smart enough to know she couldn't tell them the truth. That might get her in trouble and allow her mother to learn she was Sailor Moon.

Evil leaders like Beryl were scary; her Mother was down right frightening beyond several Shikima with a few demons from the lowest pits of hell and a Republican.

"Well," said Ikuko. She waited patiently for her delinquent daughter to speak. She was already in a foul mood from her husband's rants about what might have happened to her daughter.

"Um, I was hanging out and stuck with Ranma Saotome when some upset people charged him, thinking I was Sailor Moon."

Ikuko fought not to laugh. Really, her daughter being confused with Sailor Moon? That was like confusing American president Bush with intelligence. It just wasn't plausible.

"So," said Ikuko, trying to put this as delicately as possible, and forgetting her daughter had no grasp of innuendo, "you're now in the ... same boat ... as Sailor Moon?" she asked, remembering those photos on the news last night of Ranma standing beside an obviously pregnant Sailor Moon.

Usagi—who had no clues about said pictures, their broadcast, or her love's current situation that would soon escalate to him becoming Most Loved Bitch on Cell Block A, nodded in the affirmative, thinking that it would ease her problems.

Once again, the author has to wonder how many would willingly die during the Great Freeze if this woman was left in charge.

Ikuko sighed. She really didn't want Nodoka Himura, now Saotome, as a relative. While the woman was supposed to be the heir to both the Kamiya Kasshin style as well as the dreaded Hiten Mitsurugi style, the woman had absolutely zero abilities with the sword, aside from the finishing strike of seppuku.

Of course, the woman was mostly popular with the boys on campus for her ... other talents. She had ... dated ... the captains of the soccer team, baseball team, debate team...

Basically, Nodoka Himura was like a grade school sports team: everyone got a turn.

Of course, the ways she dumped them often left them scarred for life. Soun Tendo; captain of the school's Martial Arts team was turned from a bright, hardworking man into an emotional wreck. Goucho Kuno; head of the school's business club and heir to Kuno Industries, was driven mad when Nodoka dumped him for "failing to be manly in bed".

_I hope those people got better._

Seeing her mother trudge off and open the phone book, Usagi wiped a bit of sweat from her brow, thanking whatever gods or demons watching over her for sparing her from her mother's wrath. She ran upstairs to take a quick bath and head to bed.

Sleep good.

Thinking ... bad!

As such, she missed her mother's tears as the woman finally made contact with Nodoka "7/11" Saotome.

* * *

Ranma sighed from the roof of the Natsume household. As he sat back against the tiles, staring into the partly cloudy sky, he could only come to one conclusion.

His life sucked. It sucked long, and it sucked hard.

Okay, he would admit it was partially his fault for even helping out the Senshi. He should have learned his lesson from helping Nuku Nuku and left well enough alone, or at least used the Umisenken to stay hidden.

But no, he had to do the right thing.

Damn him.

And now thanks to that damned maid, the world thought he had snuck into the hotel to pamper his pregnant girlfriend Sailor Moon.

"Maybe I should leave Tokyo for a century or three," he muttered. "Just until things calm down."

He looked up towards the heavens. "Don't you have anyone else to screw around with?" he screamed towards the sky.

That very same sky opened up and drenched him, changing him to Ranma-chan.

"Damn it," she muttered as she went inside to hang out some more with Nuku Nuku.

Maybe her Father could arrange for some travel to America. He heard the guy had a friend named Dr. Theodore Diggers who was looking for some assistants. Surely that job had to be safer for him than what he was going through now.

* * *

Nodoka was happy.

Nodoka was getting two grandchildren in a few months.

Skip, Nodoka, skip.

Sure, she knew she had been hoping on a long shot that Sailor Moon was actually pregnant. But since said girl didn't deny it, but had in fact made out with her son on national television, Nodoka had suspected that they had been together on several occasions.

The picture just proved it.

Add to that that her old acquaintance and old prude friend Ikuko had called her, claiming that Nodoka's son had knocked up her daughter, just made the woman's day.

"Nice to know that the daughter doesn't have her knees locked like her mother does."

Not to say that Ikuko and Nodoka didn't have their moments, but it was more likely that Ikuko hadn't remembered those moments.

"Oh well, the dear never could hold her liquor."

Nodoka quickly moved off the old relationships she had had with her former college roommate, and onto the matter at hand.

Her son had wooed two women into his bed and given her grandchildren.

None of those women were his current fiancées.

Therefore, they would have to accept being mistresses, like Sailor Moon would have to, since the woman had yet to come forward to her and demand her manly son marry her.

So, she headed off to the Tendo Dojo to claim her son, and hustle him to the Cherry Hill Shrine so that he could marry Usagi Tsukino before the girl began to show her pregnancy.

After all, even Ikuko had admitted at least the boy was a better choice than Usagi's current boyfriend.

* * *

Mamoru dodged yet another punch and returned a kick to the man's side, producing the sound of a few ribs cracking.

The Kamen was under duress, as a few prisoners didn't take to the man's obvious dislike of homosexuals, hiding it by claiming that Tuxedo Kamen was straight.

Really, that had to be the poorest cover in the world—in their opinions—for hiding a clearly anti-gay mindset.

Mamoru however was beginning to sweat a bit. Where were his friends, his fiancée, and his guardians?

* * *

Setsuna snorted awake, as the world came back to her, the drugs finally leaving her system.

She mentally reminded herself to express her concerns about her treatment with the other Senshi ... with excessive violence and plenty of pain, suffering, and ongoing revenge throughout the future.

Already, she had ideas of several crazy and deluded men she could happen to "remember" past life engagements with, that would sadly have to be carried out for the good of Crystal Tokyo.

With the efforts of a quick teleport, she got out of her restraints, and spent a few hours at the Gates of Time to flush out the residual drugs in her system, before returning to Earth.

Of course, she immediately went back into a rampage after checking the answering machine, finding an invite from Ikuko Tsukino to her daughter's wedding that afternoon to Ranma Saotome.

Transforming back into Sailor Pluto, she quickly transformed even further to her Eternal Form, and teleported off to kill Ranma Saotome before he could further ruin her planned future for humanity.

So enraged, she forgot to find a way to first **find** Ranma before the impromptu wedding.

* * *

Ranma, shivering as an evil chill ran down his back, was already halfway to the Tendo Dojo, with the promise of Dr. Natsume that by the time Ranma returned that he'd already have that internship with Dr. Diggers.

Even Nuku Nuku was coming with him. But Ranma thought that had to do more with the damages incurred by her fights with Eimi than anything else; as he doubted the good doctor could afford to constantly repair the areas from all their sparring matches.

So, Ranma had an out, and knew he'd be safe since no one would assume he had left Japan to get away from them. Hell, he might even be able to finish High School and get his diploma.

Of course, said chill of evil revisited his back, making the man doubt he'd ever be free of this life.

As he approached his soon to be former home, he had to smile. His Mother was standing in front of the doors, prepared to knock on it.

_Yeah, Mom can come with me! I'm sure she'd be okay with me leaving for a bit!_

* * *

In the heavens, Chaos laughed. Sometimes, his job was just too easy.

* * *

Omake by Wargiver:

At the Cherry Hill Shrine

Minako looked at the others, and with nods all around they agreed. "So we agree that this was the plan all along. That Usagi used Mamoru, who we all agree is gay, as a distraction while she was secretly dating and sleeping with the Stud Horse."

Makoto interrupted, "You mean Ranma, the Wild Horse."

Ami counters, "No stud is appropriate," while speaking, she never takes her eyes of the picture she purchased off of a dealer at Furinkan High.

Rei punches her fist high into the air, "Damn it meatball head, because of you I haven't dated in months. I've seen hell because of you!"

With that they all gather instruments of blunt pain. Ami grabs a mallet, Minako grabs a gymnastics whip, Makoto grabs an oversized tennis racket (from that time her school played against Furinkan's Martial Arts Tennis), and Rei grabbed a pair of bats.

Eternal Sailor Pluto teleports in and sees them reading the weapons of mass trauma. "Good you are all ready, let's go correct this problem." The Senshi present agree, while Pluto means mass damage to Ranma, the MWC want-a-be fiancées prepare to take out their anger on their evil, plotting, leader.

As they teleport to Nerima, Tendo Dojo to unleash their wrath, Rei's Grandfather walks in. "Where did Rei go? The Wedding is going to be in an hour, and I need her help! Perhaps Professor Natsume will send his daughter here to help, she is such a nice girl!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Wrong Place, Wrong Time**

**Chapter 4**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

* * *

**Author Note:** This was originally an Omake File, but feedback I received demanded it be a separate short story.

* * *

The Senshi of Saturn sat with her friends, arguing about the message they had all received.

Usagi was pregnant.

Ranma Saotome was the Father.

Ikuko was having them married today.

"WAH! WHY DOES DUMPLING HEAD GET ALL THE CUTE GUYS?"

The rest of the Inners were not amused.

"Hey, I always suspected she swung that way."

"Haruka, dear, you suspect every female swings that way."

The Outer couple was very happy.

"**HE MUST DIE!"**

Setsuna was mildly upset.

But what were little Hotaru's feelings on this?

Well, after careful consideration, and making and both proving and disproving several scientific theories—as well as consulting a magic 8-ball, a ouija board, and her favorite phone psychic from Nerima—Hotaru had come to the conclusion that this was obviously the early arrival of Chibi-Usa; her bestest friend in the whole wide world.

Now, while it was now slightly less creepy to the Senshi of Destruction how Usa had always been hitting on Mamoru—_where is he anyway?_—that also meant that soon she and Hotaru would be hanging out again.

"We must stop the wedding!" cried out Setsuna.

"Why again?" said Haruka. "At least this husband can actually fight."

"How do you know?" growled out Setsuna.

Haruka walked over to the television, grabbing a large stack of DVDs; all labeled Ranma Uncut. "I got all his greatest fights on DVD!" she proclaimed happily.

"If you like the guy so much," muttered Rei, still upset that she had broken up with Mamoru because **he** was supposed to be King Endymion, "why don't you marry him?"

Haruka shrugged. "He's never asked."

Everyone stared for a few moments, as they rebooted their minds from the simple fact that Haruka ... respected a guy.

"WHAT?"

"Hey," said Haruka, "the guy's got skill, style, ain't afraid to actually get into a fight with anyone, and is one of the best martial artists of our generation."

Makoto snorted. "Sure, and the fact that Setsuna said he turns into a hot little female redhead at the drop of cold water doesn't have anything to do with this."

"Well ... maybe."

"Haruka," growled out Michiru. "We are not bringing other people into our sex life."

"No, you said other women," corrected Haruka, actually believing that her weird logic would work in her favor—not unlike a certain part-time panda, "you never said no gender cursed males."

"Great," paled Minako, "we're losing men to lesbians now."

"THIS IS ALL USAGI'S FAULT!" cried Rei, needing someone to blame for her lack of a dating life.

Hotaru paled. Not only was her Setsuna-mama trying to get Usa raised in a broken home—which could explain some of the younger girl's quirks—but Haruka-papa and the Inners were trying to obviously steal Usa's father for their own perverted whims.

And she knew exactly how perverted these whims could be. All one needed to do was visit the M&M (Minako and Makoto's) website. She didn't know what was on this website, but Haruka-papa was always checking it out and chuckling, so it had to be perverted.

So; disappearing from the meeting, Hotaru transformed into Sailor Saturn. She was a Senshi on a mission: to ensure her best friend was born, and was raised in a happy and complete home. To do this, she had to ensure that the wedding went off without a hitch.

_Man; helping friends out is tough work._

* * *

"And you see, Mom," said Ranma as he stuffed the last of his clothes into the backpack, "that's why I have to leave Japan for a few centuries."

For the last fifteen minutes, Ranma had been explaining his current situation to his Mother, where he was currently staying, and what he would be doing soon afterwards. He left quiet that he was hoping that America would be a place he could go without the chaos following him.

He didn't know that Chaos was currently learning English; including phrases like "there's the pervert" and "let's hit him with cold water."

Nodoka, however, was still envisioning the two grandchildren her son was supposed to have provided her. So, it was understandable that she had missed his entire explanation for his current troubles; much of which was her own fault in the first place.

"Well, I gotta go, Mom," said Ranma as he hefted his backpack. "I'll call you when I get to the Diggers' house."

Nodoka finally snapped out of her stupor. "The what? Where? Why?"

Sighing at the fact his time was running short, Ranma once again explained what was going on, where the fiancées and family were, and why he was leaving Japan.

Suffice to say, Nodoka was not amused. "I'm afraid you can't leave quite yet," said Nodoka.

"Um, why?" he asked, not seeing a problem. After all, he had explained how Sailor Moon had just ruined his life, and he needed to leave before the others could get back.

"Well, while I am saddened that you did not give me grandchildren by being manly with Sailor Moon," she said, accepting that as a reason why the super heroine did not seek Ranma's hand in marriage or Nodoka's help in raising her child, "you still must accept responsibility for what has occurred between you and Usagi Tsukino."

Ranma blinked. _I don't know a Usagi, do I?_ He knew his memory of faces and names were pretty poor. "Um, who's she, Mom?"

"Why, she's the nice girl currently carrying your child."

Ranma fell to the ground onto his rear. "How?"

Nodoka blinked, figuring he would at least remember that. _Ah, my son has been manly with too many women lately to remember how he granted me one. He must be so manly; he doesn't have time to remember their faces. _"Well son, she's the daughter of my old college roommate, who told her mother that you knocked her up with my grandchild."

Ranma wanted to cry. Now girls he had never even met were making claims on him. _Why does this shit keep happening to me?_

Chaos smiled. Maybe losing Galaxia wasn't all that bad after all.

* * *

Usagi smiled as she skipped downstairs to eat lunch. She was having a wonderful day. Birds were singing, the air smelled like bacon, and she had had the very naughty dream of Mamoru where they had a picnic in the park.

Hell, Luna hadn't even woken her. This was turning into a great day.

This haze of happiness is perhaps why she missed the sight of her scowling father and mother at the table when she arrived, instead choosing to dig into the food.

"Usagi?"

The eating machine of Juuban stopped mid-sucking of the food, as she looked at her parents.

Her haze of happiness soon turned into a mire of despair. "Um, yes?"

"I'm only going to ask this once," said Ikuko. "Did you sleep with Ranma Saotome?"

Usagi blinked. "Yeah, I had to."

"What?" growled out Kenji, as he was stopped from exploding in rage by his wife's hand ... which was holding the rolling pin.

"Well, I sort of stayed with him when his admirers showed up, and he got me out of harm's way. But then we were away from everyone, and he was going to camp in the park."

"And he didn't bring you home?" asked Ikuko.

"There weren't any phones there?" asked Kenji.

"Nope," Usagi said.

"Why didn't he bring you back here?"

"It was late and the trains had stopped running."

"So you stayed with him in the park?"

"Yep," said Usagi, not seeing anything wrong with this. "And when I realized I was stuck, I ... um ..." she said, not wanting to admit she was still afraid of thunder, as she wanted to be seen as grown-up, "he let me stay with him in his tent, so we slept together."

"BASTARD!" cried Kenji, seeing the truth; that the obviously man-whore had lured his sweet and gentle daughter there for the soul purpose of having his wicked way with her.

Sadly, he would not share these thoughts with his wife for several more hours, as his outburst quickly earned him a time out of the rolling pin kind.

"Now dear," said Ikuko as she tossed the broken kitchen implement aside, "you do realize what this means?"

"Of course," said Usagi, nodding her head. "Um ... what does this mean?"

Ikuko sighed. "It means you'll have to marry Ranma now. I won't have a bastard child born in this house."

Usagi blinked. "WHAT?" she screamed.

"You slept with him, so now you have to marry him."

Usagi could only stare, her mind unable to fathom what her mom was talking about.

"Now if you'll excuse me," said Ikuko, "I need to finalize the details with Mr. Hino. He's graciously allowed us to perform the ceremony over at the Shrine.

"You know, I always thought you were smarter than this, Usagi," said her Mother. "But I will help you with the child. You'll still need to finish school."

As she was left alone—her Father could not be counted as being present since he was mentally offline at the moment.

"How the fuck did this happen?"

Great debating skills, huh folks.

The line to freeze to death during the Great Freeze forms behind me.

* * *

The Tendos and one panda sighed as they returned to the Dojo.

Kasumi made her way into the kitchen, knowing the other fiancées would return soon in the hopes that Nabiki's backup laptop would be able to track Ranma.

_Let's see. Bleach? _

_No, Akane made Ranma's meatloaf with that._

_Rat poison? _

_No, she made his chicken soup with that yesterday._

She was currently trying to find a way to permanently remove the fiancées from her epic quest to retrieve Ranma to the true big breasted side of the Force.

Akane was pissed that her Ranma-chan was sleeping around with other women.

Now, while that might be allowed in their marriage—with Akane's lone permission of course—Akane knew that it was just sick and perverted for her Ranma-chan to be doing it ... as a guy.

Nabiki was mentally tabulating her bill that would be passed to each of those who had been party to her destroyed laptop. Needless to say, promissory notes would need to be signed.

The two Fathers returned to what they did best: sat, cheated at Shogi, and drank sake while bitching about Ranma.

If any had bothered to look on the table, they would have found two notes.

One was from Ranma, saying he was heading from Nerima for a training mission.

He didn't think they needed to know that he was heading for Tokyo Airport to head to Georgia.

The second was from his Mother, stating her son was getting married in a few hours.

Hers included a long and detailed description—including several artist renderings—of the honeymoon her son would be having with Usagi.

* * *

"Um," said Grandfather Hino as he stared at the Senshi with the pole arm, "do you really need to be here?"

Saturn nodded. "Ranma and Usagi are meant to be together. And as a warrior of Love and Justice, I must ensure they are wedded as such."

"Right," said Hino, as he slowly backed away from the crazy woman with the weapon. _Kami-sama, let me just get those two married quickly._

Walking quickly inside, he went over the ceremony, wondering which parts he could cut out to speed things up.

* * *

Usagi, meanwhile, was only digging her grave deeper and deeper.

"I don't understand, Mom," said Usagi. "I mean, we've only slept together once.

"I mean, I've slept plenty of times with Naru, Rei, I slept that one time with Mamoru. Then there was Minako, and that one time Makoto really needed me to stay over, and..."

Ikuko opened her fourth carton of cigarettes as Usagi kept rattling off names. _She and Ranma had to be switched at birth. That's the only explanation. I mean, she's nailing more people than Nodoka!_

Look, Usagi's helping.

* * *

"So you see," said Nodoka, "Ranma will need to be able to clear it first with my good friend Ikuko, before he can go to America for that internship."

Dr. Natsume sighed. "And you are certain your son is having a child with Ms. Tsukino?

Nuku Nuku gasped. "Friend Ranma said he was not having kittens!"

"Who are you dear?" asked Nodoka.

"Am Nuku Nuku, am best friend of Friend Ranma!" cheered the android cat girl.

Nodoka smiled. "And are you sleeping with my manly son as well?"

Nuku Nuku nodded, much to the ire of her Father, who knew how poor the android cat girl's grasp on undertones in statements were. "Ranma sleep with Nuku Nuku all the time!"

Ranma paled at that. _Damn you, whoever is doing this to my life!_

"WAH! MY SON'S SO MANLY! I'm getting more grandbabies!"

Ranma turned to Dr. Natsume, fear and silent pleas for help apparent on his face.

Dr. Natsume wanted to help. He really and truly did.

But as he saw Nodoka begin to do back flips around the living room with Nuku Nuku in her arms, further adding to the fire by explaining to Nuku that Nodoka was now expecting grand kitte—children, the smile on his android daughter's face was too much for the man to take away.

No, what father could take away his daughter's joy.

_Well, Dr. Diggers did say she would fit in very well. And if Ranma will be her boyfriend, it would help matters more for her._

Ah, if only every father was this understanding.

* * *

"Why we no follow big pervert, crying man, and stupid panda?" asked Shampoo.

"Simple," said Nabiki, holding up Nodoka's note. "Because we know where he'll actually be."

"How could Ranchan marry another girl besides his beloved cute fiancée?" bellowed Ukyo.

"How dare that bitch think she could marry another girl other than me," growled Akane.

Kasumi smiled. "Do we know where this wedding is, little sister?" So far, she had yet to have the time to make any murderous cookies. Sighing, she resigned herself to using pressure points to remove the fiancées from play.

It wasn't permanent, but it would keep them out of her hair while she showed Ranma why bigger was always better.

"I'm trying," growled Nabiki, "but someone keeps yanking my computer from me demanding to know what I've found."

"Sorry," said Kasumi. Really, how long did they expect her to wait?

Cologne put down the note. "A good read, nice plot, and very imaginative style. This is easily one of Nodoka's better plot scripts."

"Huh?" asked Shampoo. "What mean?"

Cologne cackled. "Simple dear child. What do you think that she has been doing to pay her way through life?"

Kasumi smiled. "She always told us she was doing what she enjoyed."

Cologne nodded. "She writes for porn videos."

The girls all stared, asking the question everyone was thinking.

"You mean that stuff has a plot?"

Okay, the question everyone but Akane was thinking.

"And how would you know?' asked Nabiki, pushing away fearful images of 300-year-old Amazons involved in the erotica industry.

"Simple," said Cologne, bringing out several DVDs from her sleeve. "She gave me these for Shampoo to have pointers in seducing son-in-law."

"Aiyah!" Shampoo claimed, grabbing the DVDs, before her face scowled. "Shampoo no black, no is Airen. How this help?"

* * *

Ranma sat on the rear porch of the shrine, a certain dumpling-headed girl at his side. Nodoka, Ikuko, Dr. Natsume, Grandfather Hino, and Nuku Nuku were currently inside, discussing the upcoming nuptials between the two children, as Sailor Saturn ensured they did not flee.

"You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you," said Ranma, shooting sakura leaves as they neared him, by using small Möko Takabishas at them. "You just had to pull me down with you."

"This isn't my fault," said Usagi.

"Who told them you were pregnant?" asked Ranma.

"We did sleep together."

"We slept, we didn't have sex," muttered Ranma.

He turned to face her, a random Möko Takabisha accidentally nailing a screaming child, shutting him up, and causing his mother to make more offerings to the gods. "Ever since I met you, my life's been nothing but hell."

"Don't you like me?" asked Usagi. She couldn't fathom people hating her.

"Fuck no!" said Ranma.

Unfortunately, their fight was ended by a very sharp pole arm.

"Now," said Sailor Saturn in a very unemotional tone, "you two will provide this child with a very happy home. Do I make myself clear?"

"Very!" squeaked Usagi. _Man; Saturn's scary like Rei._

"Kill me now," said Ranma, standing up, arms and legs spread, welcoming death.

He got the flat side of the Silence Glaive across the top of his head, knocking him out.

Usagi sat back down as Saturn returned to her position. She wasn't too worried. Soon, Mamoru would arrive, proclaim his love, and then they'd go off into the sunset like all those romance movies said they would.

_Hmm, where is Mamoru anyway?_

* * *

Mamoru sighed as the hot shower soothed his aching muscles. _Why do so many prisoners think Tuxedo Kamen is gay?_

He had spent the majority of the day fighting for his life, as anti-Mamoru prisoners attacked him. His trial had been pushed back, and he was stuck in here for a bit longer.

But he wasn't worried. These battles had revived his fighting spirit. They had taught him the value of truly standing up for what you believed in. _When I find Usagi after I get released..._

**WHAM!**

_I'll take a nap._

Soon, he fell to the shower room floor.

"God," said Kei, "I hope I didn't hurt him too bad."

"Never mind that," said Ukon, "we need to get him ready for the wedding."

"I can't believe our little Eiichi is getting married. It seems like only yesterday he was punking me out for cigarettes."

Ukon sighed. "That was yesterday.

"Now get his legs. His wedding's in a few hours."

Well, Usagi and Mamoru always wanted to get married.

Of course, their initial plans were to each other.

Oh well.

* * *

Chaos returned from the bathroom, a fresh pair of pants on after witnessing Mamoru's impending nuptials. _Ah, who said the afterlife was boring?_

Sadly, he was left with one question: where were the suitors?

Checking his viewer, he finally found them. They had sadly followed Ryoga, intent on gaining vengeance against Ranma for hurting their loves by sleeping with another girl.

As such, they had wound up in the Eiken reality, and thus would never be heard from again in this story.

* * *

Omake by Shinjithegoodsharer:

"Simple," said Cologne, bringing out several DVDs from her sleeve. "She gave me these for Shampoo to have pointers in seducing son-in-law."

"Aiyah!" Shampoo claimed, grabbing the DVDs, before her face scowled. "Shampoo no black, Airen no read bible. How this help?" Shampoo looked to the next DVD and got even more confused. "Airen know soul of ice, how cold machines seduce Airen?"

Kasumi paled looking at her stolen Bible Black and Cool Devices DVDs. 'Damn, I KNEW it was Nodoka stealing my porn! How does she expect me to keep up this whole housewife thing if I can't get my jollies!"

* * *

Omake by Wargiver:

Kasumi made her way into the kitchen, knowing the other fiancées would return soon in the hopes that Nabiki's backup laptop would be able to track Ranma.

Let's see. Bleach?

No, Akane made Ranma's meatloaf with that.

Rat poison?

No, she made his chicken soup with that yesterday.

"I need something special, hmmm"

Kasumi thought for a moment. She realized that she would need help from her minion. The one she usually used for all her dirty work after he appeared. The others all believed he just respected her, she always found that amusing.

"Grandfather, can you help me with something?"

Happosai paled momentarily, before turning to the kitchen and with a steady voice replied, "Coming Kasumi-chan."

As he bounded into the house he hopped past his cowering students, 'Cowards, they have learned nothing of what I taught.'

As he entered the kitchen he looked at Kasumi, in her current outfit. If it were not for all himself control, little as it was, he would be suffering needlessly knowing Kasumi. He still didn't know how she managed to get Tofu's boxers, and hem them into panties and hide them in his room without his notice. That was one surprise Happosai was more then happy to not repeat.

"What can I do for you sweet Kasumi-chan?"

Kasumi looked at the troll before her; she knew that she had him in ways he didn't know. He was useful but only controlled. It was always fun to organize those mobs to attack him as well.

"I need something to remove several problems, but I need it to look like someone else did it. After all I do not wish to take credit for the joy it will bring."

'Who's joy?' He thought sarcastically. "What kind of problems Kasumi-chan?" he asked with false enthusiasm.

"Oh my! Nothing much, just a few pests. The kind that make it difficult to live with. Like ones that untidy a kitchen, ruin dinners, pop-up in front of people and cause trouble in a normally quiet home." Kasumi said with her usual smile.

'I see; she wants to get rid of someone, or rather some ones. But she is out of poison. Probably from Akane feeding it to Ranma. Ah my sweet Ranma-chan, at this rate she will be immune to anything.' His mind ran, with that thought until he noticed Kasumi's mouth slipping from its smile. "I might have something for you Kasumi-chan. It's almost useless to me, but it should do the trick. It can banish any pest to a place it deserves the most. Sadly it requires a woman to cast."

"Now it wouldn't be an Amazon Artifact now would it?" Kasumi frowned. She was worried, if the Amazons knew of it, it might hurt her plans.

Happosai looked at her and shook his head rapidly, an upset Kasumi was dangerous, a pissed Kasumi, could scare a Kami. He knew; he saw it happen twice. "No no, nothing like that. If they knew about this they would likely never have used it anyway. They would likely just destroy it. Anything the Amazons cannot use to their advantage, or would hinder them in any way they destroy without taking hesitation. And with Jusenkyo so near they would likely fear its power too much." After saying that he handed her a small box, which when opened had a small piece of paper containing a spell and a badge.

"How does it work Grandfather?" Kasumi asked while eyeing the badge.

"To be honest I am unsure, I have seen another one used about three times, but it was always a pretty lady who used it, and always before jumping in water. I have seen it once be used by a pretty lady pulling a guy with her, and he seemed jumpy, but other then that I have no idea." he admitted.

"Oh my! Is it permanent?"

"When I was given this, I was told that nothing teleported with this was never seen again, except the teleporting girls." he scratched his head at that one. Sure the women had sometimes come back, but according to the reports it was rare that any guy had returned, much less anything like a pet.

Kasumi thought for a moment, 'That might be useful, but what to do about it?' Then she remembered that she had that tracker that fell out of Ranma's hair, she could hide it in the pond and when the fiancée's jump in to find how he is hiding in there she could just use it. 'But what if it only works on guys to teleport with, and requires a girl to actually use it?' She decided on a course of action, "Thank you Grandfather. This is just what I needed."

"Glad to be of service to such a beautiful young lady Kasumi-chan." with that he left, thinking 'Mist is right, the Mist that is used to hide a force no human should ever stand against.'

Later that day

"Ok, I got the laptop setup to detect again, let's go find Ranma!" Remarked Nabiki. As she looked at the others, Akane, Kasumi, Ukyo, Shampoo, and as a distraction Kodachi.

After a round of cheering Nabiki lead, at a pace she would rather not move to the coy pond. A short trip indeed. Nabiki raised an eyebrow at this and said sarcastically, "So he's been hiding in the pond." To bad the others missed the sarcasm, except Kasumi, who started chanting something, while the others jumped into the pond. Before the water settled Kasumi pushed Nabiki into the pond and put one foot into the temporary Spring of Drowned Man, courtesy of four Barrels of Drowned man water sent as per the last request after the wedding fiasco.

A moment later all the Neo-guys were gone, and Kasumi smirked and ran off, after all she had a wedding to crash. She just wished she didn't apply so much water proof soap that her skin itched.

On Siren (Seiren)

The Neo-guys stepped out of the water fountain in the crowded park and Nabiki-kun exclaimed, "I didn't think Kasumi would try something like this."

Before they could say anything they all realized they were guys and the only ones in this crowd of women who ranged from cute to beautiful. They realized that there was a big crowd. They also realized, to Shampoo's terror, they looked like Amazons about to glomp... and it did not seem like that was all they wanted.

One tall young woman stepped out amongst the whispers; she took a long look at them all, especially Ukyo-kun. "Surely this is a gift of the Kami!" Then in a flash, that would forever make Akane rethink the all guys are perverts to now everyone but me is a pervert, they looked at them, with a gleam that made Shampoo realize she had much to learn. "Get them! The tall one is mine! Oh hohohohoho"

* * *

Omake by migele:

Nabiki had always thought them to be PWP, Pointless Without Plot.

But actually some of them had a plot.

Some reminded them a little of Nerima.

"I should have gotten laid at least three times by him." Kasumi sounded frustrated.

"I wouldn't mind taking a swim in some money with him." Nabiki decided.

"Shampoo no is into bes ... bist... no want to do as cat and no is catgirl."

Cologne blinked.

"That's perverted." Akane stated.

"Hey sis you are in character." Nabiki had an evil grin.

"Huh?"

"A hot redhead is giving someone who can't cook some lessons in French."

"I can cook!"

* * *

Omakes by Hiryo:

"No, you said other women," corrected Haruka, actually believing that her  
weird logic would work in her favor—not unlike a certain part-time   
panda, "you never said no gender cursed males."

"Great," paled Minako, "we're losing men to lesbians now."

"THIS IS ALL USAGI'S FAULT!" cried Rei, needing someone to blame for   
her lack of a dating life.

Hotaru paled. Not only was her Setsuna-mama trying to get Usa raised in  
a broken home—which could explain some of the younger girl's quirks—  
but Haruka-papa and the Inners were trying to obviously steal Usa's   
father for their own perverted whims.

PLOINK . . . there goes Hotaru and welcome Mistress 9. Hotaru...I mean  
Mistress 9 sits straighter, more confidently, and most importantly her  
eyes are mischievous! All that in one little cute package.

In a sing-song voice Ho...Mistress 9 asks Michiru and Haruka. "May I have  
a word with you?"

Michiru and Haruka looks at each other unsure of what to say.

"Sure," Haruka says hesitantly. Taking Michiru's hand in heirs for  
reinsurance. That look that she saw scared her. Right before the door,  
just as she wanted to take a hold of the doorknob . . . .

"No, not that room . . ." Hotaru whispers into Haruka's ear shyly, "I would  
feel more confidently in my room of what I have to tell you."

Again Michiru's and Haruka's eyes met, however they do as she asked  
them.

As Hotaru enters after Michiru and Haruka in her room she lets out a  
chilling laugh then she closes the door. A rumbling sound of a metal door-  
plate and metal window plates shutting rapidly and seemingly hundreds of  
locks shutting.

After that a familiar transforming sequence of Saturn and then where  
silence. A silence where you could hear Minako's drool dropping in the  
entire quiet room where she drooled over the paused record where  
Ranma run out naked of the bathroom from a furious Akane while fending  
of Genma and Soun.

The locks open, a rattling sound like a medieval gate opens sound through  
the silent room.

Hotaru comes out and licks seductively some liquid from her lips . . .  
grinning somehow manically and satisfied at the same time. "Now that  
there are no further competition as well no further doubt . . . ." 'Wait a  
sec . . .' she thinks and turns to the still waiting spectators. Ignoring the  
little drop of something still clinging to her nose. it should be noted that  
she still is in her costume. "NOW USAGI AND MAMORO WILL BE WED AND  
THERE WON'T BE A COMPETITON BETWEEN ME AND RANMA ANYMORE!"

Before Setsuna could utter a syllable she still by looking pointblank at the   
business end of the silence halberd.

"AND IF YOU ONLY THINK OF INTERFERING WITH MY RANMA," yells  
Mistress 9, "THEN I HAVE TO GIVE YOU SOME NITROGLYCERIN  
INTRAVENOUS," her manically grin threatens to split her face, "AND SHAKE  
YOU THEN SOME UP . . . ."

* * *

Omake #2:  
"Usagi?" 

The eating machine of Juuban stopped mid-sucking of the food, as she  
looked at her parents.

Her haze of happiness soon turned into a mire of despair. "Um, yes?"

"I'm only going to ask this one," said Ikuko. "Did you sleep with Ranma   
Saotome?"

Usagi blinked. "Yeah, I had to."

"What?" growled out Kenji.

TSCH, TSHI, TSHI TSHIK Kenji just transformed into an Transformer . . .  
and jip his arm was a 2m long shotgun. He further talks VERY loudly with  
Usagi. "ShOw Me WhErE ThE oNe Is ThAt . . . ."

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Mount Ikuko just blew or better yet she had  
a golden corona around her. The now fully transformed Kenji lies in  
Ikuko's hands. "NOW HUSBAND, LOOK JUST WHAT YOU HAD ME DO!  
NOW WE HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO USAGI WHERE WE REALLY CAME FROM!"

"By the way," Ikuko turns eerily to Usagi as only wicked evil beings and  
mothers can do. Flames in her eyes that nearly licking Usagi's strands  
she continues with still ticking eyebrows "WHAT DID YOU SAY NOW!"

* * *

Omake by crystlshake:

The Senshi of Saturn sat with her friends, arguing about the message they had all received.

Usagi was pregnant.

Ranma Saotome was the Father.

Ikuko was having them married today.

"WAH! WHY DOES DUMPLING HEAD GET ALL THE CUTE GUYS?"

The rest of the Senshi were not amused.

Hotaru had the decency to blush at their combined glare.

* * *

Omake by AnimeFreak317:

Cologne put down the note. "A good read, nice plot, and very imaginative style. This is easily one of Nodoka's better plot scripts."

"Huh?" asked Shampoo. "What mean?"

Cologne cackled. "Simple dear child. What do you think that she has been doing to pay her way through life?"

Kasumi smiled. "She always told us she was doing what she enjoyed."

Cologne nodded. "She writes for porn videos."

The girls all stared, asking the question everyone was thinking.

"You mean that stuff has a plot?"

Okay, the question everyone, but Akane, who was wondering what they were talking about, was thinking.

"And how would you know?' asked Nabiki, pushing away fearful images of 300-year-old Amazons involved in the erotica industry.

"Simple," said Cologne, bringing out several manuscripts from her sleeve. "I'm her editor. She has been coming to me for advice ever since before she married that worthless man she's with today."

Everyone pales at this and starts edging away from the elder, except Akane.

"So, what's the big deal? It's only words; nothing perverted could ever come of this. I would like to read one of Nodoka-obasan's books."


	5. Chapter 5

**Wrong Place, Wrong Time**

**Chapter 5**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

* * *

**Author Note:** This was originally an Omake File, but feedback I received demanded it be a separate short story.

* * *

Some would say that things are bad for Ranma alone in Nerima.

They'd be wrong ... dead wrong.

This was best demonstrated by the teleportation of several Sailor Suited Women on a manhunt.

"Now listen," said Mars, "we'll go in, get the full story, and—"

"DEAD SCREAM!" screamed the seriously pissed of Senshi of Pluto, yelling her usually whispered assault, and vaporizing a good portion of the Dojo's outer wall.

Mars sighed. "That's it; someone else can be the Leader. I quit."

Venus smiled. "Okay, I'm in charge. After all, you should never bet against blond."

The others ignored her, instead staring at the unusual sight before them.

* * *

Ryoga didn't know how he got there, leading Mousse and Tatewaki Kuno to find Ranma.

Truthfully, he didn't even know why they followed him.

But that strange island, those women that defied logic and most genetic data, the fact that their chests seemed bigger than their heads...

He shook his head. No, he would never be back in that strange world again. He was relatively certain he'd never survive the blood loss.

So, he was relatively happy that he had somehow gone from sliding down a slide in his cursed form on a vat of pudding to being in the Tendo's yard a very good thing, not knowing he had outwitted the author of this story—who was still trying to find a way not to let Sailor Moon rule the world that didn't involve him dying—and returned to the story.

Sadly, Kami-sama was still pissed at the piglet for using a strange ball of puke green energy and vaporizing a plant in the Almighty's office.

So, it would come to no surprise that a bull with wings, octopus tentacles, and other assorted chimera parts landed in the yard, roaring to draw either the fem-boy or the pervert it so desired to beat the crap out of.

And despite little P-chan's best efforts to hide, Taro easily found him running around the beast-boy's left leg.

As Taro lifted the piggy up to play, he was stopped as an eighteen foot section of the outer wall vaporized, revealing the Sailor Senshi.

Now despite most beliefs, Taro had seen much of Tokyo, and not just Nerima. So, he did occasionally run into magic girls...

Magic girls with not even a hair trigger, lots of power, and relatively no idea about collateral damage.

So, seeing them, he did the only thing he could do, with no Happosai to sic on them, or vocal cords to try the summoning of the dreaded pervert.

He held up a sign like Genma. **"I'm not a minion of evil." "Please don't shoot me!"**

Sure, it was cowardly, but those damn shots hurt.

As Sailor Pluto moved her Time Staff towards the bulking monster to ask a question, Taro panicked, relieved his bowels on the ground, and passed out.

He had been on the receiving end of that attack before.

It was not pleasant.

But in his defense, he was still new at using those signs, and had no idea he had called Sailor Pluto fem-boy.

The girls just blinked. "She killed him," muttered Uranus.

"He's alive," growled Pluto. "The bastard's too stupid to die." She then turned her attention to the black piglet that had landed on the dining room table after being dropped by the now sleeping chimera. "Ryoga Hibiki; as the Mistress of Time, I know all about your curse. You have five seconds to tell me where Ranma is, or I'll send you to Hell for real."

Ryoga simply passed out, his little paws indicating the two notes that were still on the table.

Pluto stalked up, spotting two letters on the table, each one being pointed to by a front paw of the sometimes-pig. Grabbing one, she sped read it. "So, he's going on a training trip. We must kill him before he—"

The rest was cut off as she slumped to the floor, rubbing her head. Cursing whichever Senshi was about to be painfully made aware that you just didn't hit your teammates; she turned her head up...

... and spotted Sailor Mercury holding Uranus's Space Sword like a bat. "Mercury?"

"Quiet, you," stated Mercury in an authoritative tone. She was in a bad mood, considering all the false leads she had been forced on within the last day. As with many quiet girls, Mercury had been a slow-ticking time bomb, waiting to explode, and vaporize all that dared to screw with her.

"Hey!" called out Sailor Venus. "I'm supposed to be the leader!"

The others winced as Venus soon joined Pluto on the ground.

"Now see here," growled out Mercury. "In the last twenty four hours, I have been stumped, abandoned, had my future plans thrown into chaos, attacked by a female Dark General waving some damn hammer, dragged all over Tokyo by a mad woman bent on eliminating this guy from the time stream, and finally party to an unprovoked assault on a Dojo, a chimera, and a piglet.

"Now, before we do **one** more thing, we are going to find out exactly where Ranma is, we are going to find out what he has done with Sailor Moon, and we will work this out rationally and with dignity.

"Or so help me, I will go on a killing spree the likes of which will leave all who hear of it vomiting and attempting to slash their own wrists in the hopes that such memories will not follow them beyond the veil. Do I make myself clear?" she screamed.

The still standing Senshi backed up from the crazed berserker known as Sailor Mercury, quickly nodding in agreement.

The two on the ground rubbed their heads, wondering if they should even move or risk her attacking them again.

Seeing no forces ready to challenge her authority, Mercury reached down, flung the pig off the table and into the hallway—where Ryoga would recover and discover himself in another universe based off another anime/hentai series that had no plot—and began to read the second letter.

The others had gathered together out of fear of what Mercury could do, Uranus was still slightly upset that her sword was not returned to her, but Mercury was still in a scary place right now.

Their fears grew as her right eyes began to twitch.

"Mars?" she asked, calmly, much too calmly in their opinion.

"Yes?" squeaked out the formerly savage Senshi of Fire.

"Was their something going on today at the Temple that we should know about?"

"Um," she said, noticing how the others had abandoned her and were now hiding behind the chimera, "Grandfather said he had something to perform today, and that it might be best if I wasn't there."

Mercury turned around with a smile. "And do you know who's involved in this ceremony?"

Mars shook her head quickly. "Why?"

Against all known facts, Mercury seemed to teleport across the several meters to her partner, before whacking her on the head with the sword. "Because that is where Ranma and Usagi are getting married in ten minutes, and it appears Usagi is carrying Ranma's child!"

* * *

"But Mommy!" whined Usagi, as Ikuko and Nuku Nuku worked on the final touches for the wedding kimono.

"No buts, dear," stated Ikuko, as she smoothed out some more wrinkles. _Lucky the baby hasn't started to show, or I'd have to let my old wedding kimono out._ "You did the deed, got pregnant, and now you have to do the honorable thing."

"But what about Love and Justice?" asked Usagi. "I love Mamo-chan, not Ranma!"

"Should have thought about that before you got knocked up."

Nuku Nuku was just smiling in her own formal kimono. "Nuku Nuku happy new friend Usagi is getting married. Nuku Nuku be best bride's maid ever for friend Usagi and new boyfriend Ranma."

The two mothers stared at the catgirl, who was now scratching her head. "But Nuku Nuku no understand. Ranma-kun is already my friend, and a boy; so how does that change anything?"

Shaking her head, Ikuko continued her work on the kimono. "Usagi, you have to take responsibility for what happened."

"But nothing happened."

"You slept with him!"

"But I've slept with a lot of people."

Ikuko paled, before deciding to start to ignore her daughter, and try and still pretend Usagi was as pure as the driven snow.

* * *

"I'm not doing it," stated Ranma as Nodoka smoothed out the formal wedding kimono she had brought for him.

"Now son," said Nodoka, sewing the fabric together as she worked on finishing the kimono, having only bought the fabric for it the day her son was born, so as to be prepared for his manly wedding day, "it is not manly at all to ditch your pregnant mistress on the day of her wedding."

"She's not pregnant," stated Ranma. _Why is no one listening to me!_

"Stop resisting," said Saturn, her Silence Glaive kept near him in case she needed to further entice him to go through with the wedding. "My future friend will not be born into a broken home, simply because you're refusing to take responsibility for what you've done."

"You have pictures of her?" asked Nodoka, narrowly missing sewing the kimono into Ranma.

Saturn handed her a photo.

Nodoka stared for a bit, before her eyes began to tear up. "MY FIRST GRANDDAUGHTER IS SOOOOOO CUUUUUTE!" she squealed.

Seeing an opportunity for freedom away from these crazy people, Ranma tried to make a dash for it. Sure, if he really was guilty, then that might be dishonorable.

But since it was yet another act by Sailor Moon, George W. Bush, Genma, and Ryoga to make his life a living hell, he saw no problem with it.

Of course, said attempt was cut short fairly quickly as he ran head-first into a Silence Wall.

"Oh dear," said Nodoka, tearing herself away from the cute pink-haired girl, and seeing her son on the floor. "I'll just have to finish it off for him, if he's just going to get it dirty like that. Really, doesn't he have any consideration for my hard work and feelings on this, his wedding day?" With that, she began to undress the unconscious martial artist.

Saturn quickly spun around, closing her eyes tightly. _Must not have naughty thoughts about Usa-chan's Daddy! Must not have naughty thoughts about Usa-chan's Daddy! Must not have naughty thoughts about Usa-chan's Daddy! _

Dun, dun, dun; and another one bites the dust!

* * *

"WE'VE GOT A CODE 5, I REPEAT, A CODE FIVE NEAR TERMINAL 65!"

In Tokyo Airport, several security guards were chasing a crying man who was riding an overweight panda through the airport. Said man was yelling for his son-in-law to stop running away and marry his flat-chested and possibly lesbian daughter.

It had never occurred to the two to simply page Ranma, seeing as Genma was still legally his father.

Nor did it occur to the two that security might not be too thrilled with them searching every plane for him, including destroying several very expensive security measures to do so.

But, perhaps a few decades in prison would teach them their lessons; that demon heads and attacking pandas were not allowed in the airports of Japan for a particular reason.

* * *

Mamoru slowly came to, pulling himself off his bed, to stare into the mirror, the sight as he passed it drawing his attention.

The first thing that caught his eye was the fact he was in a wedding dress; pure white, lace borders, and a nice train.

The second was that he had on make-up, light without being overbearing.

The third, he discovered, was that they had shaved his legs.

"How the fuck did they do this?" he asked.

But as his cell door opened, and five very large and very angry looking men stood outside it, Mamoru decided to worry less about his current attire, and more about keeping himself single until his friends showed up. _Where the fucking hell are they?_

* * *

Outside the Cherry Hill Temple entrance, stood three girls.

Akane stood with her War Hammer ready, determined to stop that hussy's wedding to her precious Ranma-chan. There was no way that Ranma-chan was marrying someone else besides Akane.

Nabiki stood with her face still in the computer, working online with several men to setup the online broadcast of Mamoru Chiba's wedding. Nothing made her day like taking down intolerant people like him a few pegs.

Kasumi stood in a long trench coat ... no one was really certain what she wore underneath.

Where were the others?

After using pressure points to subdue Ukyo and Shampoo into a deep sleep, Kasumi had opened a Tupperware container, releasing Akane's dinner towards Cologne.

She'd be fighting that thing for hours, before she returned.

And Kasumi was focusing on her plan. While Nabiki was consumed with her computer, and Akane dealt with Usagi, Kasumi would be teaching Ranma-kun what fun bigger toys could be.

And thus, they prepared to enter the holy grounds to commit unholy acts.

All in all, a normal day in Tokyo ... at least for a few of their wards.

* * *

"Are you sure we should have done this?" asked one short-haired girl in a Tuxedo Mask costume.

"Totally," said a guy with yellow hair, also dressed as Tuxedo Mask. "You saw how they were cuddling in the train; they have to have been on their way to this new Tuxedo Mask support rally."

In the seat across from the two gay people, sat Shampoo and Ukyo, hugging due to dreams of doing naughty stuff to their love, while now dressed as Tuxedo Mask.

* * *

"Tell them," growled Ranma, as they were positioned before the monk.

"But my mother worked so hard on the wedding," whined Usagi. Really, did this guy expect her to break her mother's heart?

Ranma rubbed his forehead. _Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?_ "I don't want to marry you."

Usagi's eyes began to mist up. "But what about the baby?"

"THERE IS NO BABY!" screamed out Ranma, putting a halt to the ceremony.

The guests and family could only stare, as Usagi began to cry.

"Son, this is very unmanly," stated Nodoka.

"Mother, she isn't pregnant; we've never had sex; I've never met her before two days ago!" Ranma cried out.

"You mean not only am I not getting grandchildren from Sailor Moon, but I am also not getting any from Usagi as well?"

Ranma gulped. His mother was now fingering the hilt of her sword. So, he was left with deciding something: did he fear his mother more, or did he not want to be married to the blond life-wrecking machine?

Ikuko was pale. If the child wasn't Ranma's, than it must be one of the others Usagi had slept with. "No," she called out. "My daughter's honor must be preserved. Continue with the ceremony!"

There was no way in hell she was going to let that homophobic playboy Mamoru Chiba into the family.

"But I ain't even done anything to her!" yelled out Ranma, wondering why no one was listening.

Ikuko took a deep breath. "Well, you should have both admitted that sooner. Now, to preserve honor, you both will have to be wed today."

Usagi squeaked. "But I love Mamo-chan!"

"Well, I won't have a gay-bashing skirt-chasing no-good tomcat in my family!" stated Ikuko is such a way that left no possibility for discussion.

Saturn stayed quiet. She was solely focused on keeping them together until Usa was born.

Ranma just sank to his knees. "Why isn't anyone listening? I've been telling you all this since you jumped me!"

Grandfather Hino gulped. It appeared the wedding was quickly beginning to fall apart. And while the deposit was non-refundable, he knew he'd be involved in the fallout unless he either got the others to drop the matter—not likely, and there were more of them—or he got the couple happily married soon.

If he didn't do something, he knew his shrine would be destroyed.

Sadly, fate and Chaos had other plans.

* * *

As the shower of splinters and debris cleared, three women stood at the former entrance to the ceremony.

One with short hair quickly moved to an open seat, opened her computer, and began to type.

One with a trench coat on seemed to step off to the side, hiding in the shadows.

But the one with the spiked hammer of great size and a flaming red aura seemed to draw almost all of the attention. "USAGI TSUKINO, I SHALL NOT ALLOW YOU TO STEAL RANMA-CHAN AWAY FROM ME!

"PREPARE TO DIE, BITCH!"

"Like hell!" growled Ikuko, producing her trademark rolling pin, turning it in such a way that two-foot long bladed popped out of the handles. "My daughter is getting married today to this young man, and I won't let you stop them.

"Weddings are a place for joy. For trying to stop my daughter's wedding, in the name of the Tsukino clan, I shall punish you!"

Well, now you know where Usagi got it from.

* * *

Such attention was on the fight, no one immediately noticed when Ranma was yanked out of the room by the girl wearing the trench coat, and pulled into a supply closet.

As the single light was turned on, Ranma saw that his savior was none other than... "Kasumi? What are you doing here?"

The girl smiled as she turned around. "Auntie left us all invitations to come to the wedding, Ranma-kun."

Ranma baulked. _Didn't Mom learn her lesson from the last wedding?_

_Who cares; I can make my escape and get to America before they know what hit them! Nuku-chan can catch the next flight._

_But..._ "Kasumi, why are you wearing a trench coat?"

She showed him why.

"Oh," he quietly said, turning around, hoping things were not getting worse.

Sadly; Chaos had popcorn and a few chilled beverages ready, and was really getting into the new show.

As she locked the door and broke the key, she sauntered over to him, sweat glistening off her bare flesh in the pale light. "Now, Ranma-kun; I need to teach you something?"

"What?" he squeaked in a voice usually reserved for his female form.

"I want to teach you that bigger is better in all things," she purred as she grabbed her student.

* * *

Saturn was looking around. While she was stuck guarding Usagi in case Ikuko failed, Ranma had somehow managed a daring and impossible escape.

She wanted to go after him, she really did. But she had no clue where he had fled to, and there was no way she'd leave Usagi to the mercies of that Hammer-wielding Dark General.

As she moved to assist Ikuko—who was actually managing quite well to stand her ground against the Dark General—another wall exploded.

From the hole, and over the crying Grandfather Hino—really, standing before the exploded area was not a good move if you wanted to not get stepped on by the cruel destroyer—was Sailor Mercury, a rabid look in her face, as the remaining Senshi followed her, fear etched on their faces. "Where ... is ... Ranma?" she asked, the Space Sword still in her hands.

Saturn turned to face them. "I won't let you stop Chibi-Usa from being born into a happy home!"

Venus tried to talk with her, not wanting the young Senshi of Death and Rebirth to be bonked on the head. "Saturn, be reasonable! If that was the true parents, wouldn't she be here to tell us so? I mean, look at Pluto!"

Said Senshi was currently on a child-leash, which she was trying to bite through. "Nothing must interfere between the love of Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask for each other!" she cried.

"What the hell are you smoking?" asked Nabiki, watching as a hardened killer took his place at the alter for his wedding via the internet. "Tuxedo Mask, straight? Right, you need to cut back."

Mars turned to face Pluto. "How could you?" she cried. "Those were for ceremonial purposes only!"

The crowd seemed to stop and fall silent.

"Whoa," said Uranus, "Pluto's a pothead."

"So that's why the stocks are always coming up short!" said Mars.

Grandfather Hino, meanwhile, had heard all this, and walked out; acting like his glaucoma was acting up.

"Um," said Jupiter, "come to think of it, aren't we missing a few people?"

"The moon cats?" asked Neptune?

* * *

Artemis slowly pulled himself out of the Love Hotel room, silently shutting the door.

His mind was filled with the horrors Luna had inflicted on him last night.

She had made him dance the ... Macarena.

That was unforgivable, despite the nearly seven hours of nookie they had just finished. "No more," he muttered quietly. "I shall find my way, and find peace in this world."

"Same here."

Turning, he saw his one friend from the club last night ... well, one straight male friend who didn't try to talk Luna into letting them borrow him for some sick reason. "Inuyasha?"

The dog demon nodded. "Let's go before they wake up."

Nodding, the two ran to the street, hailing a cab, and heading to the airport. "Inuyasha, where are we going?"

"Somewhere where women don't abuse us."

"Some place like that exists?" asked Artemis in awe.

Inuyasha nodded. "Yes." _Though damned if I know where._

And like that, the two were driven into the sun as it began to lower into the sky—odd since it wasn't even past three in the afternoon.

Sadly, when Luna and Kagome woke up and discovered their boyfriends had fled, there would be no mercy when they were caught.

* * *

"No, not them," said Jupiter.

"Tuxedo Kamen?" asked Mars.

Usagi started looking around. Just where was her savior? He should have rescued her by now.

* * *

The priest looked on as the bride was brought in, hands and feet bound.

Normally, he would ask why the mannish woman was being handled as such.

But the knife currently ready to be thrust into his back made him decide it was better to not know.

* * *

"Not him," said Jupiter. "Though we should really find him soon. I haven't seen him for a while.

"No, I was talking about the former groom. Where is Ranma?"

"EEEEEEK!" screamed said man as he ran into the room and out through the hole made by the Senshi.

"Come back here, Ranma-kun! You haven't learned your lesson!" came the cry of the stark nude woman following him.

"Damn," said Nabiki. "You don't see that everyday."

"So bouncy," drooled Grandfather Hino, earning a punch in the head from Mars.

"Bad glaucoma my ass," she muttered.

"Pervert!" cried the Dark General, shoving Ikuko to the side and sending the bladed rolling pin into the wall, barely missing the smoking form of Professor Natsume. "Stop flirting with my sister!" she cried, going through the wall after him.

Usagi just collapsed to her knees. "WAH! My wedding's ruined!"

"WAH!" cried another woman. "My son's still manly!"

Ikuko slowly stood up. In a way, she was saddened her daughter's wedding was ruined.

But in a much larger and happier way, it was a blessing. With the wedding stopped, no honor was lost, and she was no longer in danger of being somehow connected to Nodoka Saotome as an in-law.

Sadly, Chaos had prepared for such. "Not today, Mr. Bond," he said in a bad English accent.

Kenji slowly trudged in. "I got the damn thing," he growled.

Ikuko looked up. "What thing?"

He stared at her as if she had lost her mind. "The marriage certificate you told me to get. I hope you're happy that our daughter is now legally wed to that man-whore."

"WAH!" cried Nodoka, lifting Ikuko's pale form into the air and spinning her around. "That's means we're family!" shouted Nodoka.

She stopped, before turning to face Kenji. "Hey stud, wanna escort two hot babes for a quick drink?"

Nabiki sighed as she sent out an e-mail to her sources on who to pay.

Usagi just stared. "But I'm supposed to marry Mamo-chan!"

Saturn sighed. "Now Usa will be born for certain."

Pluto had finally managed to get loose from the child leash. "Ranma Saotome, prepare to die!" she screamed, raising her Garnet Staff, and teleporting away.

Mercury twitched again, before walking off, occasionally freezing the poles of signs she saw along the way, and breaking them off. She needed a nice day of soothing Calculus, and soon.

Nuku Nuku just smiled. "Wow, weddings are really fun. When's the next one?"

* * *

Ranma ran for all he was worth, jumping across the roofs in the hopes of making it back to the Dr. Natsume's place and retrieve his backpack as well as the plane tickets.

"I just have to make it to Atlanta, and then I can live a normal life for a few centuries," he chanted both in his mind and the real world.

For Ranma, the Diggers had quickly taken on a heavenly image in his mind. They were a normal family, with normal problems, and normal lives. Surely, his life would attain some level of being normal there, and he'd never have to worry about pushy girls, girls out for money, girls out to bed him against all lines of common decency, and without weird fathers out to constantly scare you into following their wills.

Perhaps, even without sword wielding mothers out to beat any threat to their family.

* * *

Near the estate, three wererats noticed the entire Digger family sneeze.

"Like, that was totally weird. Why'd they do that? Think they have allergies?"

"How the $# should I know!" cried out the other female.

"Look at them jiggle," panted the perverted male, earning him a bop in the head.

"Like, careful," warned the first one, "he has glaucoma."

* * *

Ranma stopped at a corner. "Okay, which way do I need to go?" he asked himself, looking for any landmarks to help him get back to Nerima.

"YOU NEED TO DIE AND GO TO HELL!" screamed the now visible Sailor Pluto, as she sent out a blast of temporal energy.

Ranma dodged it and took off, having spotted a few ways home. "Why the hell are you after me?" he yelled back. "Ain't like I want the flat-chested tomboy."

What he didn't notice was the parallel roof-hopper that was following him smile. Apparently, her lessons were beginning to pay off. "I won't fail big-bosomed girls everywhere," she said, altering her course to tackle said student.

"You're marriage is against all things holy!" Pluto cried out as she once again tried to swat the fly known as Ranma.

"We ain't married!" he cried out.

"Yes you are!" cried out Pluto as she tried to run him through with her staff. "Kenji filed the paperwork; the ceremony was only a formality!"

So shocked by the fact that he was now married, which someone had actually managed to pull it off, and that this was once again done without his permission; he failed to sense the newest threat to him before she managed to connect.

"Feel the love, Ranma-kun," said Kasumi.

Ranma nearly fell off the roof and into Pluto's attack as he tried to twist his head free of Kasumi's imprisonment. Really, it wasn't like he could just put his hands on them and shove them away so he could see.

"PERVERT," cried Akane from the ground, never having bothered to learn to roof-hop. "Get down here and stop molesting my sister!"

Even Pluto baulked at that. "Is she even seeing the same reality?" she asked herself, seeing Kasumi grabbing onto Ranma like a octopus, not knowing Kasumi was trying to deal with Ranma's obvious fear of big busted women by a therapy of constant exposure.

This however does prove that even the Tendo sisters can all fail to learn their lessons, as this had never worked for Shampoo.

Then again, she never buried Ranma's head in them.

* * *

"Hey, did you hear?"

"No, what?"

"One of the guards just heard that the guy who knocked up Sailor Moon is being chased by Sailor Pluto while he's holding a naked chick."

"Damn, lucky guy."

"It gets better. Apparently, the guy just got married to some flat broad named Usagi."

"Already married and cheating on his wife with a hot girl. Man, some guys have all the luck."

Hearing this, Mamoru snapped.

Being left to rot in prison as he was being married off to a prisoner stuck in there for life, because his friends thought he was homophobic, he could forgive.

But losing Usagi to some flagrant playboy that was already cheating on her with another woman; he'd never forgive even as he placed them in their grave.

Soon, and much to the horrors of the nice inmates from B-Wing, Mamoru's power exploded, covering him in his Endymion royal armor. Turning to face the wall, he jumped, plowing through it, and set off to find the scoundrel who had stolen his love.

Before the prisoners could make their escape, one man stopped them. "We can't leave!" he yelled.

"Why?" was the general question.

He pointed to the groom, as Eiichi was on his knees, crying about how no one loved him and how he was damaged goods having been jilted at the alter. "Can you leave him like this?"

"HELL YES!"

"Knowing that if we get caught and sent back here, he'll cut our throats in the shower."

The guys sighed as they went to comfort the crying killer.

* * *

"Great grandmother be really upset with Spatula Girl," muttered Shampoo as the rode the train back to Nerima.

Ukyo was simply muttering how it couldn't be true, that she was not now damaged goods.

You see, they woke up in time for a massive wedding protest to be completed for the newest Tuxedo Mask Support Rally for Homosexual Rights.

Not that they had anything against such things. For Shampoo, she could understand since most males were like Mousse in her opinion.

Ukyo had been on the side of that question thanks to her Father, and she knew well enough how wrong it was to shun homosexuals for their choices. Granted, she never had a choice since Daddy Dearest kept sending her to all-boys schools, but still; she understood where the need for acceptance was coming from.

Strange that neither of them had every applied that lesson to Ranma, trying to force him to accept them while not reciprocating.

But that is neither here nor there.

What is important is that due to how Ukyo was registered, her marriage to Shampoo was the only one that could not be contested by the courts, and as such, many of the couples there were working now on having the clan registration for gender altered to make it perfectly legal.

Ah, got to love the court systems.

"This is all Kasumi's fault," muttered Ukyo. "If she hadn't kept me from saving Ranchan, I'd never be married to this Amazon tramp."

"Shampoo no tramp!" cried out girl. "And you now Shampoo's Airen by Japanese Law, that mean you treat Shampoo like Amazon warrior she is!"

Another little item that was bugging both women was a simple one. In Amazon culture, Shampoo had the most rights and privileges in the relationship.

In Japanese culture, even with the little snafu, Ukyo had the most rights and privileges.

And like many married couples, fights were about to soon erupt, much to the displeasure of those in this particular train car.

* * *

Cologne sighed as she looked at the television back at the Nekohanten, nursing some sore spots in her old body from having to deal with Akane's last meal.

"Never knew the Tendo girl had it in her. I'll have to watch Ms. Kasumi more closely in the future. She might make a nice Amazon with her control and deviousness," muttered the old woman, before a particular scene caught her attention.

"**And now we have hundreds of happy gay couples finishing the ceremony. It just brings a tear to your eye to see so many happy couples stepping into the married life, not yet aware of all the suffering and pain they soon are to face."**

Cologne nodded her head. "Truly sage advice."

"**Well, it seems as if one couple isn't too happy to be married,"** he said, pointing at one group of tuxedo-clad girls who were quickly circling each other with ... a spatula and a watermelon mallet.

"**Shampoo no let stupid Spatula Girl take Shampoo like this!"**

"**Hussy, I'm only going to marry Ranchan!"**

Cologne sighed. "Well, at least things will stay interesting. I'd better prepare for my new son-in-law," she cackled the last bit.

She was a little worried however. Last she had heard, Ukyo was legally registered as a boy, and thus the marriage would be legal, which meant all the harder to get dissolved without someone within the families seeing it as some sort of attack on their honor.

"But this does leave openings for so much teasing." Smiling she shook her head.

As she went to prepare for the arrival of the newlyweds, she didn't even wonder why Mousse was not around.

Too bad for him, people didn't miss him at all.

* * *

"May I ask what the hold up is?" asked Ranma.

He had managed to lose Pluto.

He had even managed to lose Kasumi, despite the severely embarrassing positions she kept putting him in.

He was able to retrieve his backpack as well as one ticket.

He was even able to get his passport—complete with Jusenkyo authorization and corrections from a little known Japanese Ministry that dealt with stuff like that.

But the airport was being shut down.

"Well sir," said the cute desk worker, flashing her chocolate brown eyes at the man she'd hope to have escorting her home in a few minutes, "some terrorist attacked the airport, scaring people with his trained bear, claiming he was on a mission to unite some boy with his abusive lesbian daughter."

Ranma blinked, wondering why that sounded familiar. "Weird."

"Yes," she nodded. "The airport has rented out the local hotels to house the passengers until tomorrow, if you need a place to stay. I can show you the way," she added, a gleam in her eye that Ranma missed.

Ranma nodded. _That would be better than risking the return home._ "Sure, I'd like that. Any way to ensure no one's going to find me. I'm sort of ditching some people who seem to think I'm their slave or something."

Smiling, she switched the name for his hotel reservation to hers, before placing the counter closed sign up, and grabbing his arm. "This way, sir."

Ranma nodded, following the weird woman who seemed to be treating him like Ryoga. _Man, she doesn't need to lead me around like this._

* * *

Kasumi paced inside the padded room.

"My student thinks this will stop his lessons?" she asked no one as she continued to pace.

Ranma, thinking Kasumi was under some drug due to her total lack of inhibitions and her somehow intense need for him to be fascinated with her bust, had dropped her off at the hospital where Dr. Tofu worked at, hoping he could cure her.

Sadly, upon seeing his new patient, the dear doctor was off, dancing with a security guard and calling her Betty.

As such, Kasumi was left in her hospital gown, cackling about her new plans to bring Ranma to what she deemed the proper side of the force.

* * *

"I ain't married to the hussy," proclaimed Ukyo, earning a whap on the head.

"By your own laws, you are married, and by our laws, you did defeat my great-granddaughter, so you are married there as well."

"But she is no boy-type," said Shampoo.

Nodding, Cologne tossed Ukyo some instant packets. "Enjoy your honeymoon, neo-son-in-law."

As the two face-faulted, Nabiki smiled as she ate more of her ramen. She had to admit that while today was chaotic, and she'd gone two days without sleep, she really was enjoying herself. But she was always a sucker for dinner and a show.

Too bad she hadn't been able to find the rest of her family.

_Where did they run off to?_

* * *

"I tell you Soun," said Genma as they played Go in the prison yard, "we've got to get out of here. They'll only give me three meals a day of measured portions. THREE!" he cried out to the heavens, as Soun switched several of the pieces around.

"It's not too bad, Saotome," stated Soun. "I find it incredibly relaxing."

"But only three meals, Soun," he pleaded. "And no saké at all! Oh, how cruel for my dishonorable son to let his kind and honest father to suffer in prison!"

Short answer, how could you not look at Genma and think "guilty as sin", before locking him in the general population?

Though most of Genma's problem with their situation was not the lack of food and booze, as he could and did steal that from the other prisoners, but the big guy named Eiichi who kept blowing kisses his way.

Some guys are just too desperate on the rebound.

"Don't worry, Saotome," said Soun. "Soon, my daughters will be here with our lawyer, and we'll be released as this is all cleared up. You'll see."

"So you called them?"

"Oh," said Soun, scratching his head. "I'll call them tomorrow. Dinner was so good, I forgot."

Somehow, even I can't see that call being made anytime soon.

But at least Eiichi found himself a new love interest.

* * *

Akane growled as she tried once again to shake herself free, but found the ropes refusing to release her. _They must be enchanted._

Grandfather Hino sat down, out of both breath and wards to place on the obviously possessed girl. He turned slightly. "Your turn, Father."

The priest nodded, before he walked up to the tied-up girl, covered in sacred parchments. Opening a flask, he began to sprinkle her with holy water. "The power of Christ compels you; the power of Christ compels you..."

As a rabbi, a bishop, and a Buddhist monk entered the room, taking their places in the line hoping to fix the "poor girl in need of exorcism", Grandfather Hino sighed. "Momma said there'd be days like this."

Rei shut the door and returned to the TV room. She really didn't want anything more to do with this.

"Maybe it's time I moved back in with Dad."

* * *

"Usako!"

Usagi stopped crying on her mother's shoulder at her ruined wedding, forgetting once again that she wasn't supposed to be upset, to see Mamoru running down the street in his armor, sword in hand, ready to kill.

Ikuko only saw the bane of her existence, and someone who would only bring more dishonor on her family. "What do you want?" she asked in a cold voice.

Stopping in surprise, Mamoru gulped. "I have come to free Usako from that cavorting whore known as Ranma Saotome."

"For your information," she said, enjoying that at least her knife could twist in a good way, "that young man and Usagi are married.

"And he is not a frolicking ladies man such as yourself." Really, Ikuko didn't know why those women were after Ranma, but he seemed ... more stable ... than his Mother, whom Ikuko had to knock out before she continued to put the moves on yet another guy she'd never "been acquainted with".

"But I've always been faithful to Usagi."

"We still don't like homophobes in this house," she said.

"But Tuxedo Kamen is straight!" he yelled in desperation.

Ikuko snorted. "Who'd be stupid enough to believe that?"

Usagi raised her hand, but her mother wasn't looking at her.

"But I have proof that Tuxedo Kamen is straight!" cried out Mamoru, changing to his tuxedo clad form. "It is because I am he!"

Ikuko paled, before her face grew red with rage. She marched before the masked man, and slapped him hard, sending him to the ground. "How dare you use my daughter to make people think you're straight!"

"Huh?" came the two replies of Usagi and Kamen.

"I should have known," she muttered. "You played the straight guy part too well. You were just using my naïve and gullible daughter to keep up your image!"

"Mamo-chan, how could you?" cried out Usagi.

"But it's not true!" he cried out.

Ikuko snorted, before kicking him in the crotch. "Now if you'll excuse us, we have to go track down my daughter's husband."

As a crying Usagi was led into her house, Mamoru lay on the street, holding his battered crotch. Only one thought was going through his mind. _Ranma Saotome; for this outrage, I shall see you dead!_

* * *

Kodachi had been hoping that her blessed Ranma-sama's archrival could lead her to him.

Instead, she was led to yet another challenger. "So, you seek to keep me from my Ranma-sama? OH HOHOHOHOHOHO!"

The barely clothed woman smiled. "So, you wish to challenge Naga, the White Serpent? Soon, you shall learn your folly. OH HOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Somehow, the author is unsure who to root for.

* * *

Ranma sat on the plane as it took off.

He just wanted to sleep, despite the fact that Nuku-chan wanted to play some trivia games. When she had caught up with him, he had been coming out of his room after untying the young woman whom he had to tie up just to keep her from taking advantage of him in his sleep, followed by a pressure point to put her to sleep.

"Will Atlanta be fun, friend Ranma?" asked Nuku Nuku in an innocent tone.

Ranma nodded. "It'll be the best," he said. _And it will be so peaceful and safe._

* * *

Meanwhile, two Digger sisters were currently looking at the photo of their father's newest assistant.

"He looks so dreamy!" panted Brianna.

Gina nodded, before breaking down in a cackling laugh.

* * *

Sneezing and shivering, Ranma laid back into his chair. "I'm going to try and catch some sleep. Wake me up when they start serving the meals."

"Okay," nodded Nuku Nuku. "I'll just watch the movie." She had always wanted to see this "Garfield" movie everyone was talking about.

"Whatever," he said as he tried to sleep. _Not like I should be nervous. Even I should be safe in a plane._

* * *

In a seat a few rows behind them, sat three people.

"Damn it," growled Ikuko, "those aren't for you to play with."

Nodoka sank back into her seat. "You never said that in college."

Ikuko paled. Did Nodoka take advantage of her? Did this explain that tattoos? Is this the reason that ambassador never stopped calling her?

Usagi just sighed. Her former love had used her to pretend to be straight; her current love was fleeing to America. Setsuna refused to answer her pages. "Why me? Why can't I find love? Why can't I...

"Mother Nodoka, those aren't for you to touch, either," she said, pushing Nodoka's hands away from her chest.

The older woman just pouted. "You're no fun."

* * *

And yet another few seats back, sat one upset tomboy.

Akane growled as she ripped another ward off her body, and used her hand towel to remove the excess water. "Damn priests, thinking I'm possessed.

"Perverts, that's what they all are."

She had a plan for the moment. She would go to America, find Ranma-chan, and drag her red-haired ass back to Japan and have the wedding Akane always dreamed about.

Of course, that would all happen after she taught the pervert a lesson about hitting on poor innocent Kasumi.

* * *

In a few seats back from her sat another girl, dressed in a skin-tight nurse's outfit.

Kasumi drank her complementary beverage, her mind not on the poor doctors from whom she had stolen the credit cards from to pay for this trip.

No, it was on a certain pigtailed boy who refused to learn his lesson.

But in a way, it was a blessing. In America, she'd have more power to show Ranma what was truly important, and she'd at last cure him of his fascination with the Itty-bitty club for women.

* * *

A few chairs back sat one upset skeleton.

Betty was pissed at this hussy who dared try and toy with the emotions of the man she loved.

No, soon, the world would see the death of the slut that was named Kasumi, and Tofu would be free of the foul witch's spell that often precluded Tofu from proclaiming his true love for poor Betty.

Now if only that damned guy sitting beside the green haired woman would stop staring at her chest, Betty could stop feeling so dirty.

Really, why did all the guys who liked small breasts just drool over the love-crazed skeleton?

* * *

And even more seats back from her, sat one green haired woman and a short haired prince of Earth.

"When can we kill him, Setsuna?" asked Mamoru, excitement in his voice, his sanity nearly gone after what had happened when he tried to talk to Usagi, his voice also slightly higher as well.

"Soon after we land," said the crazy Senshi of Time. "After all, there are a lot of dirt roads in Georgia, and it would be such a shame if he got lost, killed, and chopped into itty-bitty pieces while still alive on one of them."

Mamoru nodded, slobbering a bit, much to the irritation of the flight attendants, who figured he was drooling after them.

Strangely, this was thought by both the male and female flight attendants.

* * *

Back in coach, sat two women already filled with hatred for each other, and one small woman currently reading War and Peace.

"So," said Ukyo, "we get to America, find Ranchan, and straighten this all out, and get our divorce when my jackass Father fixes my records."

"Ah," said Cologne, "young love never lasts as long in this day and age."

Shampoo growled. "Shampoo no married to stupid Spatula Girl."

"Careful dear," said Cologne, pointing to one of the magazines the girls had with them, "calling each other pet names that are insulting is the first sign of an abusive relationship."

"Why did we bring her again?" asked Ukyo.

"Because I'm the only one with the money to pay for this trip," said Cologne.

Shampoo began to sob. Why was she having such a difficult time with her Airen? Why didn't he do what he was told? Those women on TV said the man was always supposed to listen to his woman. _Why Rosanne lie to Shampoo? True, Ranma is no Dan, him in much better shape, but he no listen to Shampoo!_

* * *

Chaos smiled on the couch, grabbing a beer from thin air. "Ah, so this is why the Gods have avatars. These humans make such amusing creatures to watch and play with."

Opening a TV Guide for next week, Chaos looked over what was in store for Ranma. "Ah, so they are **those** Diggers. My, I think I should send Usagi a basket of fruit for freeing me from Galaxia. I surely enjoy this all the more."

* * *

Meanwhile, in a checked bag of luggage of Akane Tendo, a small piglet sat in the cold cabin, freezing, and surrounded by chocolate covered bananas, still in shock from his second trip to the Eiken's universe.

But one thought kept him warm: the thought that this was all Ranma's fault. If not for Ranma, he wouldn't be constantly finding that world, getting attacked because of his curse, being cursed, and Akane wouldn't be so upset.

_How dare he make kind, innocent, pure Akane cry? After all, what has Akane ever done to deserve such treatment?_

He would have brooded more, but the air was sufficiently cold enough to freeze little P-chan solid.

Luckily, this would keep him in the luggage.

Bad news was that his curse would ensure that Akane's luggage was soon lost.

Oh well.

* * *

In his chair, Ranma slept on, dreaming of a normal life in Atlanta.

Let's let him dream folks.

Because reality will suck so much more.

THE END.

* * *

The final omake of the omake by Wargiver:

On the other side of the plane sat Yosho without his disguise field, Tenchi and Sasami. Tenchi looked at his grandfather, "So this Arms Master should be able to help with my training?"

"She certainly should, she is considered one of the best on the planet."

Tenchi nodded, "What did Lady Seto talk to you about?"

Yosho glanced at Sasami briefly, "Oddly it did not concern you." Yosho wondered, 'What is Sasami and Seto up to, and how did they arrange this marriage 10 years ago?'

Sasami looked towards her fiancé across the row sleeping next to the cute cat girl android, 'Soon we will be together, just as Tsunami promised, my destined one'

Tenchi silently prayed for what ever poor soul caused Sasami to giggle like that.

* * *

A few rows back Luna and Lina Inverse sat. Lina was looking most unhappy, but was wearing a fake smile every time Luna looked at her. Luna said, "Don't worry Lina, we will find your fiancé soon and settle this honor situation. Besides I am certain that this Ranma is a much better choice then that blond idiot that follows you around."

Lina repressed her indignation, and forced a smile, "That's great Luna, really great."

Luna continued, "I am certain that Diggers-sensei will be able to help locate him."

* * *

A few more rows back sat Hotaru and her parents, who looked a little weary of their charge. "Don't worry Michiru-mama, Haruka-papa, we just need to ensure that Chibi-Usa is born to a happy family, no matter the cost and everything should be fine."

Her parents could only nod, knowing that pissing her off now was a very bad thing.

* * *

A few rows back sat Gourry, "Steal Lina from me, will he? Well my blade of light will strike him down in riotous furry." Emalia and her chimera boyfriend wondered if he suffered brain damage recently from his personality turn around. This was not a good sign.

* * *

A few more rows back sat Ranma and Akane's friends, Hiroshi, Daisuke, Yuka, Sayuri. Both boys had won a trip for two to America to Atlanta, oddly they never remembered entering that contest, but their 'girlfriends' were most adamant about who the two were taking.

* * *

From his couch where he was watching events Chaos imitated a flight announcement, "This is your co-pilot speaking, this is your special nonstop, no escape flight to Atlanta Georgia, specially chartered to ferry Ranma, and his fiancées, friends and rivals, plus a few people planning his gruesome death. Please stay seated for the duration of this 9 hour torture flight so Ranma can have a chance at a last meal. Thank you for flying Chaos Air." 


End file.
